Living with Fears, Attempting to Be a Brave Mom

Fear is something we never want to admit to, but we all have it!  Whether it is that fear of spiders or the dark, we all have that one thing that makes us quiver at the thought.  I had fears before kids, but after having children the fears changed and were amplified.  The fear of doing everything wrong or messing up the perfect life of a child got real once I became a mom.

I recently finished reading Brave Mom by Sherry Surratt, and I truly wish this book was around when I began my journey as a mother.  Through the reading of this book, I was reassured that I am not the only one out there going through similar situations or having certain fears about being a mom.  While reading this book I agreed with what I was reading, however it took me a few days to process what one fear I had that I simply wasn't aware of that had always been lingering and had me very worried. 

When having a fear that involves our children, it truly adds to the level of anxiety for moms.  We always fear that we as moms may not be enough, even though deep down we know that God ensured our children were ours so that we were the perfect moms for our children.  That doesn't mean we are perfect moms, but we are the perfect mommies for our children.  However, even though we know this, the fear of not being enough or having something bad happen to our kids can sometimes overtake our rationale thoughts. 

My biggest mom fear is that I am afraid my child won't fit in socially or be picked on.

Two and a half years ago I was blessed with a baby boy, and I could not have been happier when my little man made his quick entrance into this world.  Yet, when he was born I was not prepared for what I was going to learn about Ayden.  He was born with a large Port Wine Stain (PWS) on his right side of his face, and although many times this birthmark is mainly cosmetic, it can come with great risks.  In fact it wasn't until we got into the pediatrician after we left the hospital I was not made aware of what was even on my son's face.  Once we met with doctors and dermatologists, we were given the facts and reassured that his PWS was indeed cosmetic, but we had another tough decision to make.  That decision being to treat his PWS with laser treatment or leave is birthmark alone.  I struggled a lot with this because this was the way God made Ayden and I knew his birthmark was not going to define him.  However, we live in a society that does not embrace differences and something as large as his birthmark on his face had already raised eyebrows in his first couple months of life. 

Our decision was to treat his PWS, and we still continue to do so and it has improved his birthmark immensely.  However as he gets ready for preschool next year, my fears have begun to take over again.  When kids and adults ask about his birthmark I am there to educate everyone.  I am there to shield him from the interrogating question of "What is wrong with your face?"  I am there to distract him from the looks or quiet whispers that there is something wrong with him.  But my big fear is I won't be there with him when he begins his journey in school.

I tear up just thinking that he may struggle, be picked on, or even feel ashamed of his difference.  My heart breaks that he may be bullied or not make friends because he is different.  Accepting the fact that I will not be with him to protect him is tough, however deep down inside I know he will be okay.  Yet, with fear comes the irrational thoughts and I just can't help but worry.

Ayden is a high energy little boy, who's eyes sparkle when he smiles.  He has such a great personality and truly wouldn't mind being the center of attention all the time through his comic relief.  He manages to be noticed by everyone, and he has not yet met an adult that he can't use his charismatic smile on to charm them into getting what he wants.  Seriously this kid is just perfect, but I am afraid people won't see this because they cannot look past his birthmark. 

In Surratt's book she states that we need to focus on what we can control when it comes to our fears, and this is where my work begins.  It is my job to protect Ayden, but I cannot be with him all the time.  My job as a mom is to give him the tools to learn how to cope with that challenging question of what is on his face.  I need to work on allowing his personality to shine and how we all are different and that being different is okay.  We do this a lot in our house already, however I think when I am asked the question of what is on Ayden's face I need to approach this differently.  I need to be more accepting of the questions and really push how he is unique and special, rather than just giving people the medical explanation, etc. 

It is funny that I am worried about Ayden being picked on at school when it is the young kids that are the most open and honest about his birthmark.  I have honestly had some of the greatest conversations with young children about Ayden's birthmark, but I am afraid of these same children that will eventually hit that stage when different is not okay. 

As parents we never want our children to struggle or feel pain, but at the same time this is when life long lessons are learned.  All I can do at this point is to continue to educate those around me, embrace Ayden's difference, talk about differences and how they need to be viewed as a special gift, and teach him how to explain to other's his birthmark and that it does not define him. 

Now that I have my plan to overcome my one of many mom fears, I need to be that brave mom God intended me to be.