Orlando

I have read many comments, prayers, blog posts, articles, and I am currently typing as the news is on in the background on the terrible loss in Orlando.   I am just saddened that this is what our world has come to.  I am sad for the hate towards another human being for a lifestyle they have chosen.  Here is the deal people, it is their choice.  Let it be!  Let those who may not fit your opinion or cookie cutter view of what life should look like, live the life they deserve to live.

I am not going to go on a tangent on an opinion or view.  All I have the energy for is sadness.  My heart aches with sorrow.  Sorrow that so many are dead, injured, and grieving.  May God embrace all those affected with his love, and may He help us learn to love one another verse such ugly hate.

Have a blessed day friends!

Good Intentions

It is Monday and I had all intentions of getting Audrey off to school and then taking Ayden to the forest as he loves to do on Mondays.  However, today he asked to stay home.  Now initially I got a little annoyed because I wanted to go be social and get out of the house, but sometimes kids just know what they need.  Our morning has been slow so far, with some speech practice and an extra cup of coffee for me, but it has been calm.  Currently Ayden is curled up on the couch watching an episode of Paw Patrol.  Gasp...yes I am letting him have a little bit of screen time.

I am not sure what it is about how things pan out, but I just feel like some days things just happen because they were meant to be.  I get overwhelmed some days because we have to run here or there, but today we have the opportunity to stay home and that is what we will do this morning.  I have a few errands to run, but I think Ayden will be okay with them as I will keep him motivated with the promise of a few board games this afternoon.  Plus I promised the kids to go swimming after school, so hopefully I can dangle that carrot in front of him.

The whole purpose of writing today I think is because some days I think I know best, but through my kiddos, they sometimes guide me in the right direction.  Today we will make today easier, and I can guarantee we will have a few less meltdowns than what would have been.  If only I could just listen to what I really need to be doing verse the control freak Lindsay that takes over everything from just being.  Like I have mentioned before I am far from perfect, but I guess taking the time to just being could probably fill my cup a little easier than running around attempting to do everything on my to do list.  Kids don't always need to be entertained constantly and they need down days too.  So there you go, we are taking advantage of our down day and embracing the present.

Snow Days

Oh glorious snow days!

If you haven't been following the news, Nebraska got a blizzard, well lets be honest, we got snow.  We are on our second snow day, and even though it is great having my babies home and we can stay in our jammies all day long, I think we all are craving a little routine.

Currently my children are watching television because my patience has run thin and I just need them to sit still and not make anymore messes for the next 30 minutes.  Even though I should be cleaning those said messes up, I decided to write a post and finish my second cup of coffee.  Its all about balance and keeping my sanity today.

Yesterday we completed our Valentine's cards and even made Audrey's Valentine box for school.  So today I will have to get some reading, speech practice, and some writing out of the kids.  I am sure there will be a couple rounds of Monopoly or Life to happen as well.  Yet if those things don't happen I am not going to beat myself up over it because we just need to embrace the day.

I think that is where this post is going.  I always feel I have to complete something to feel like I have had a productive day.  Even though this keeps me going, I think it is not necessarily healthy for me because some days we have to just be.  Be in the moment and if the dishes don't get done or that last item on the to do list is not completed, life is not going to end because of it.  There is always tomorrow to get those things done, and if not tomorrow the following day.  However this is coming from a person who feels a sense of accomplishment after checking a task off a to do list.  I am a work in progress and I will attempt to get better with not stressing out over the to do list, but until then I am just going to call today a good day because that is exactly what it is...a good day to be alive and love on my babies.

Living through Art

You were born to make art.  Because you were also made to live art.  ~ Emily Freeman

I have begun reading a book by Emily Freeman, A Million Little Ways, and all I can say is it is resonating with me.  Now I have only made it through the first chapter because I have a book study to get through for our MOPS group by Sunday and I love my crazy thrillers that I have to get in as well. But the two sentences I shared with you above are so true.

There are days I feel like I just am not good enough at anything.  Seriously how do these people make raising humans so easy?  How do people get their to do lists completed?  How does one get their little boy to not use potty words all the time?  I worry that I just can't do it right.  But at the same time, I have to be doing something right if everyone is still alive right?  I consider that a daily win, and it's an added bonus if my kids are dressed and have brushed their teeth.

It is after reading this first chapter, I have realized that not everyone is perfect in all areas.  Okay lets be real here, NO ONE is PERFECT.  We are all good at one thing, but identifying what that one thing is, is sometimes hard.  See about six years ago, I would have said I was good at teaching.  It was my talent that I shared with society.  But now that I am no longer teaching, I have wondered well what else am I good at?  Sure some would say well you are good at being a mom, and I could agree to a certain degree, I mean they are still breathing right?  Yet that isn't what I feel is my talent.  Being a mom isn't my talent, but rather it is my job that I am grateful for.

Freeman in the book discusses how she was moved by a musician and how the talent of this woman was inspirational.  I want that, I want to be inspirational.  Maybe this sounds vain, as I go back and read what I wrote, but believe me I want more than the vanity of the talent.  See what I truly want is I want to make and live art.  I want to be able to do something I love, share that talent, and live and embrace others art as well.

For example, I cringe every day when I have to clean up scraps of paper and scrub tables when my children's art and projects have littered the kitchen.  I need to stop getting frustrated at the concept of cleaning a mess, but rather embracing and living in the moment of what my babies are making.  Mind you this will be a work in progress because those OCD issues kick in and I have to fight the urge to get frustrated, but I know they are trying to find their art or God given talent and share it with the rest of the world.

So here I type, vulnerable, searching for my God given gift, excited to one day share it with you all, but until then I will live through all of your art and be grateful I have each and everyone of you in my life!

I am back...for a day anyway:)

Wow!  It has been forever since I have sat down and done a little writing, but today it just had to be done.  Now I have no driving force to be blogging today, as I am suffering from an incredible, intense sinus infection that is showing no mercy, but I just miss it.  This is my outlet and lets face it, I haven't been writing so you probably can only imagine the craziness that has been going on in my brain.

Now mind you I do have a few other hobbies, like reading and working out, but I miss this.  So here I am ranting about not feeling well, and amazingly I am feeling a little bit better.  Well except for the fact that my son is attempting to read at the loudest decibel possible about elephants.  Here is my thought on that, and it will probably make me look like a bad human being, but I could give a rat's behind about elephants because I have read the book eighty million times.  But this is my life.

I have learned over the past few months about myself is that this is my world.  The controlled chaos, okay maybe not so controlled, is just what we do right now.  I spend all day entertaining, feeding, and chauffeuring my little humans around.  There are days I do feel that I just cannot do this much longer.  Like seriously, how much can one human take, right?  But then again I have learned that I need to be looking for the silver lining in every event that occurs in house, good or bad, so that I can appreciate even the little, but crazy things.  Believe me this is a work in progress because currently I am sick and I do not feel like entertaining Ayden all day long, but that is my job to help nurture his creativity and support him in everything he does.

Ugh....this is a lot harder than it sounds, but you know what, I need to remember that I am so lucky to be Ayden and Audrey's mom.  Sure some days I feel like I have lost my identity and I am just their personal butler, but then I am humbled quickly when I think of those who long to have these opportunities.  That is when I realize that I was chosen to be these little humans momma for a reason.  They have so much to teach me, as I do for them.  I just pray every night that I don't screw it up when we've had a bad day, but just as a back up plan I have verified that Tricare does cover therapy, so I have covered my bases.  :)

Have a fabulous day friends!

Growing Up

Every day I am amazed by the growth of my children.  But recently I have noticed that my little Ayden has just become a little man verse the little toddler I have always seen him as.  Now don't get me wrong we are still a threenager, however the other day all decked out in his button down shirt and jeans he looked grown up and I did not like it.  In all reality Ayden is our last biological child we will add to our family, and although I am so grateful for my two beautiful children that is a hard pill to swallow when your baby is getting to be so independent and grown.

The other day we were working on letters and I was just floored on how far along  he is when it comes to his knowledge of letters and phonics.  He wants to learn and eats it up as we give him knew knowledge, and the kid retains it, even though I think he may not be listening.  For example, when Audrey was three and had her conferences in February she still had struggled with a few letters to recognize in print, and to my amazement Ayden is right there.  Now Audrey could totally write her name, and with Ayden all we can do is make an "A" and spell his name.  That is where things get sticky though, I cannot compare the two kids.  They are so different and will continue to be different in so many ways.

Lets talk about physical abilities.  Ayden surpasses Audrey by far when it comes to physical stuff, but I think that comes with the territory.  He is a boy that loves to learn through discovery and play, where Audrey is okay with being the slow one.  Honestly I feel Audrey would love to be in physical therapy for the rest of her school career, but our pocket book is going to not be able to supply that dream if she wants to do other activities.  :)  Then there is speech.  Audrey was great and still is in her vocabulary and articulation.  With Ayden, we are in the process of getting him tested for speech this week because even though I can understand him, others around him struggle.  And for once I have found the proper route to go through, the school district, to get free services if that is the route we have to go through.  Now the even though I felt a little overwhelmed with the speech thing, I really cannot beat myself up over it.  Lets look at the situation, Ayden has a built in translator and speaker (Audrey) and he doesn't have to talk as much as she had to.  I know that Ayden is super smart, but if he needs help with his speech it can only help him become even more intelligent because then we all will understand him right?

I think I need to stop worrying about everything and realize that my kids are just perfect the way they are.  If they need a little extra help in certain areas, that is just fine, because at least we can get them the help they may need.  I am sure I could have benefited from a little physical therapy in my earlier years, but look at me now, oh wait lets not do that as I still run into walls.  But the bottom line is everything is going to be just fine and I need to stop overthinking it all and embrace the joys.

Life

Okay so let me be honest....even though I know that writing is a stress relief for me, it has totally taken the back burner.  The past few months I feel like I have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off.  Shuttling kids here and there, making sure lunches and backpacks are packed, and trying to keep up with the daily things of life.  Seriously, just thinking about it just makes me exhausted, and that is what I am exhausted and I don't see any sign of things slowing down ever.  It is as if once both kids began school, my life revolves around school.  As an educator I should be used to this rat race, but as a mom I just am not getting the hang of everything as quickly as I would like.

I work with both kids on reading, letter identification, sounds and blends, one-to-one math correspondence, and I just want them to play.  Seriously the teacher inside of me should love the fact that my children have this drive, but at the same time, I want them to just play.  Play to learn and understand how to problem solve without having WW III in my home.  As much as I sometimes beat myself up because I tell my kids to color or play, instead of completing a craft or school related activity, I have to remember they are learning with all that they are doing.  But most of all, they are learning from me.  They learn by seeing how I react to things, how tired I probably must look as I run around trying to get all the things done on my to do list.

I probably should stop all this because in all reality my kids aren't going to remember if the chores all got done or if I made that fabulous meal, but rather they will remember that I spent time with them.  Time that I don't always feel I have because I have so much to do, but in all reality the rat race has just begun and can only get worse.  I need to embrace the time we have and the fact that the kids still want to spend time with me.  And I am going to be okay if I decide to go to bed after the kids go to sleep because lets face it mopping the floor at 8 pm is crazy in this season of life.  I know a little human will be awake at the butt crack of down to dirty that floor that I stayed up extra late to clean, so I should just save myself time and frustration and breathe and enjoy the life in front of me!

So when all is said and done, what I have wrote is all stuff I have heard and said before, but I really need to listen.  It is like this is my demon that I am constantly fighting, and it is about time I won instead of the demon!