Insufficient

I don't know what it is lately, but I sure have been feeling insufficient.  Like I am not a good enough mom, wife, sister, daughter, friend, etc.  I am not sure if it is something in the air or something that may be bothering me subconsciously and I haven't been able to put my finger on it, but something just isn't right.

I have been trying to self reflect and give myself some time outs to just get it together for the kids, but I just cannot seem to figure this one out.  I am constantly anxious and overwhelmed, maybe it is time for some more "be still" time for all of us, but whatever it is I need to find the answer soon before this momma goes crazy.

It is that time of the year when things start to get super busy, and I feel that each year around this time it just becomes more and more chaotic.  My kids are so excited about Christmas already, and Thanksgiving has not even passed.  I am trying to get ahead of the game and get all the shopping done sooner than later, but every time I think I have time to do this it seems we have something else to go to for the kids.  I love that we are busy with activities because it gets us out of the house, but just the other day I told Tyler that I just needed a day that involved my sweatshirt, yoga pants, and the couch.  That did not happen at all this past weekend, and I don't see it happened at all next week either.

I think I just have to make a day where we do nothing.  My plan is next Saturday to do this, but we shall see because I am sure there will be something that needs to be done or picked up.  Maybe I can at least get an afternoon of nothing and the kids can just enjoy their toys and each other.

It is crazy that I literally have to write down that I need a day to have us be home.  I guess it is a reminder to myself so that I can physically read this so I will possibly follow through?  What it breaks down is this, I think I feel insufficient because I am constantly being pulled in fifty directions, like every other person in this world, and I just feel I cannot complete something adequately.  I am trying to do all these things and they are getting done but at the bare minimal or something just gets pushed aside because there is just not enough time.  Right now I look around my house and it would have to be the sweeping and mopping that was neglected this week, but honestly it isn't like my floor is covered in filth it just has the remnants of the week displayed on them.  Like the red piece of play dough that is pushed in the corner or the random dry bean from the sensory table that the cat decided to bat around.  Maybe I should be looking at these messes as memories and that I should realize that the kids had fun this week, but lets face it, that is a challenge.

From today on I am going to try and look forward instead of in the past to getting things done.  Everything will get completed, maybe not in the timely manner I would like, but it will get done.  Plus it is not as if anyone is coming to my house to inspect to see if I have accomplished the cleaning of the house and children, the meals, and the activities the kids have completed.  I need to stop living life like I am under surveillance of others, and I bet this insufficient feeling may start to dissipate.