Television

Everything is okay in moderation right?

Why does it seem right now that my children are obsessed with t.v.?

Seriously this is a daily battle.  I limit their t.v. watching to a half hour a day, and it is normally in the afternoon while I get on the treadmill and burn a few extra calories.  The kids are doing good about realizing they watch a show and then they go play with their toys in the basement that we don't get to play with that often because it is so cold down there.  However, if Tyler or I turn on tv the kids are mesmerized with the crazy commercials and ask to watch a show of their own.  It has even got to a point where the kids will stop what they are playing so they can watch a ridiculous show on HGTV that I turn on for background noise.

Now are the kids becoming obsessed with t.v. because I have limited it and it is seen as a novelty?  I just don't know what I did wrong here.  I guess I could be writing the same about technology time too.  Audrey and Ayden love playing apps on the iPad or iPhone.  It is sometimes a meltdown when they get a few minutes and then we need to move on.  However, have I created monsters who love technology and t.v.?  I mean it is okay for the kids to be exposed to this in moderation right?  I know Ayden watches more t.v. than he should according to studies, etc, but it's not like he is watching some shoot em up show, we are watching Bubble Guppies or Dora.

I do not use the t.v. as a babysitter and my children have great imaginations, so I guess I am okay.  Is there anyone else out there that struggles with this concept?  And I mean I have those days that I am down for the day with a horrible headache and I allow them to watch a movie, but seriously isn't this just trying to survive as a mom?

So weigh in my friends...are t.v. and technology okay in moderation? 

Mommy Guilt 10,000

I am sure I will continue to have mommy guilt, but today's guilt is just wishing for my own time.  Seriously, will I ever be able to take a bath quietly with a glass of wine or pee by myself?  I am sure one day I will, but when you have two kids three and under I find myself wanting these simple novelties more than ever!

For example, I woke up at 5 yesterday morning to walk on the treadmill and watch a show.  Doesn't really seem like a great mommy alone time, but I crave any alone time I can get.  My Mr. Man decided it would be a great day to wake up at 5 as well and instantly I found myself sulking and pouting to my husband.  I literally was whining as I put in my contacts that I never get to do anything I want to.  Boy did I sound like Audrey and I had already set myself up for a bad day.  I found myself even being a little resentful to Ayden as he whined about something and I told him to suck it up because he was the one that decided to wake up early.  Now eventually Audrey woke up and we all got excited to go out to the fun little Mud Pies activities, but I still found that I had a grumpy attitude.  I was still fixated that I did not get my workout and I was doing yet another thing for everyone else but myself.   I even found myself annoyed by some of the crazy stuff they were doing at Mud Pies, but then I had to refocus that they were just being kids and good kids for that matter.  Seriously how selfish do I sound right now!!

Here is another fun story that I am sure many can relate too.  I never knew the luxury of going to the bathroom with the door closed, but that is something I crave nowadays.  I now have to pee with the door open for multiple reasons.  One being that I am afraid Ayden will get into trouble, and also because the kids and cat will pound on the door and stick their hands/paws under the door.  So picture this, I am going to the bathroom and the kids decide to come in with me.  They see the cat is chasing them and the slam the door.  The cat then proceeds to put her paws under the door and is getting their feet and the squealing begin.  They are asking me to help save them and crawl on my lap...really kids...can't you see I am just trying to pee?  Or yesterday when Ayden slammed the door while I was in the bathroom and he decided to grab his stuffed animals and put them and himself on top of the table.  I guess if Elmo and Grover climb on top of the table with him at least he will have someone else to join him in time out.

Regardless of the situations that seem to send us over the edge, I have learned something here.  Having mommy time is okay and it is necessary for my sanity.  Now I know the importance of my husband and I having a date night or two, but we will have to put that on the back burner for awhile, or until I find a reliable sitter and Ayden is no longer attached to my hip.  However, I know that having mommy time is necessary at this stage in my life.  So I need to throw away the guilty feeling when I need to go to a preschool board meeting or something as fun as Bunco because it is okay and necessary for this momma's sanity.  So yes, I may feel guilt as I walk out the door to do something for myself and the kids are crying, but I know that they will be fine without me and sometimes we need a few hours away from each other. 

What are you doing in my life?

Now I don't like to get all philosophical, but I was thinking the other day (I know scary, right?) I wonder why certain people are introduced to our lives.  It seems that sometimes they are more of a burden than anything with their difficult moods or beliefs that seem over the top for you, but there has got to be a reason right?  This is where I think that this has some truth to it.  You do not have people come into your life just because, people are brought into our path of life for a reason.  Either you will learn a lesson from them or they become life long friends.  Now this lesson you learn is not always easy to see.  I have had a few head scratchers in my life, but if I truly look at the big picture it soon becomes evident.  Some folks we share something in common, whether it be a career, children the same age, or a similar passion, whatever it may be we learn something from everyone that we meet in our lives.

As I reflect, I have experienced meeting a lot of new folks in a lot of new environments.  With college, living in Alaska, Colorado, and now Nebraska, I have been fortunate to meet a lot of neat folks.  People who will be forever called friends and dear to my heart.  However I have met some folks that I have learned what I do not want to become.  I know this probably sounds bad, but I never want to become that person that feels sorry for themselves and feels the world owes them everything.  Unfortunately when meeting these folks I should have seen it as an opportunity to help, but rather I just avoided the situation...so shame on me.

I sit here and type and sometimes think that there are a lot of ungrateful people in the world, but what difference does that make me better?  I am thinking badly upon someone because they don't appreciated something in their lives, and honestly that is just as bad because I could take the time to show that person what one thing they have to be grateful for.  It sounds like a lot of work, but seriously how I am expecting my child to be grateful and gracious of what they have when I cannot even express or help someone see their own appreciations?

What about those folks that we finally stop thinking or worrying about and then all of a sudden surprise they are back into our lives?  Have you ever wondered why?  I really question this one, especially those people who you feel tainted by.  What do they really want and our their intentions true?  Well...one thing that I have decided is that if someone comes back into your life it is not for a negative reason.  I am beginning to think that if they are coming back into your life it is because you need to either help them or it makes you appreciate the person that you have become and what you have. 

Whatever the reason that certain folks are brought into our lives is not one we should be focused on.  However what we can learn from each individual brought into our lives should be the real focus.  If we stop wondering and start listening, I think more lessons will be learned.

Now to only take my own advice, and thank you all for being part of my life in one way or another!

Dip

I am very grateful to have children who love to eat.

Audrey enjoys food, but has been able to establish her favorites over the three years of life and she does try new things, which is a bonus for a preschooler! Both my children love fruit.  We seriously go through a bag of the Cuties in less than a week and bananas and apples are a favorite as well.  Blueberries, strawberries, and raspberries do not last in our house longer than two days, but because they are out of season and you seriously have to pay an arm and a leg, my children are not seeing too much of the berry department currently. 

I have come to the conclusion that Ayden is a human garbage disposal and he truly enjoys all food, especially his DIP!

About three months ago we introduced ketchup to Ayden because he had to try what Audrey was having.  As a side note, I hate ketchup with a passion, but I have learned after child number one that you do not want your kids to pick up on your dislikes but rather develop the dislikes on their own.  So when I have to squirt the glob of ketchup for both kids I cringe, but I have learned to deal.  However in the last month or so Ayden has become a dipping fanatic.  Everything is dip or needs to be dipped.  I have found him dipping his oranges in his cereal milk, blueberries in his yogurt, and even apples in his ketchup!  (Gag) He even was eating ketchup and ranch dressing straight off the fork on Saturday, as if it was a course on its own.  I mean I love a good sauce, but don't you think he is taking this to an extreme?

We have gotten to the point where by the time I give him his food and serve up my own dish at a meal and sit down he is vigorously pointing to his plate where the dip once was and saying, "Dip, dip, dip",  until dip is literally given to the royal subject.  Needless to say I have learned to keep the dip of day on the table so that I am no longer getting back up because this dip request is out of control!

I begin to wonder about some of Ayden's habits.   For example he loves food and is obviously not afraid to experiment with it.  He spends a lot of time with Tupperware, spoons, and the play kitchen and food.  I am drawing a conclusion here that I may have a chef in the making.  God wouldn't that be wonderful?  I could allow him to experiment with food and cook all our meals by the time he is a teenager...a mother can dream right?!  Ayden could be the next Chef Ramsey, but have a much better attitude and behavior. :) 

All I know is that my son's dipping may be a little overwhelming at times, but at least Ayden can eat whatever he wants as of now.  So many children are faced with allergies and are not able to experience the entire food selection my children can.  Therefore, I will turn my head the other way, and Ayden you can DIP ON!

Traveling with Children

Oh the joys of traveling with little ones!

Last week we took a vacation to Oregon to visit with Tyler's parents.  The kids were excited and frankly I was ready for a change in scenery too.  However I hate traveling!  Whenever I traveled alone I had the worst luck...seriously always delays.  I mean how many of you have had to sit in a loaded plane in 30 below weather and wait for the mechanics to fix the air conditioning?  Really folks that is why the plane was delayed for me once.  I know it is about safety, but I don't think an air conditioner is needed at 30 below on the ground or at 30,000 feet.  I have become a little luckier flying with my hubby, but normally 1 in 5 flights are delayed for some reason or another.

This was our first family trip out of the Omaha airport and I was interested to see how smoothly things would go.  I mean we got off to a good start by loading the kids in the car, but things did begin to become difficult.  It all began when we were trying to get all of our stuff onto the shuttle bus to the airport.  Tyler was unloading the car and I was unloading the kids when the driver had the nerve to tell us to hurry because there were other folks needing to catch the shuttle.  Okay buddy, let me just strap both kids on my back and grab some luggage too.  How about you get out of you warm, cozy bus and help me pick up a few bags to speed up the process?  Already I was feeling myself turn into the crazy momma that was sleep deprived and was ready for a fight.

We get to the airport and things were going well, until Audrey had to go through the revolving doors.  Seriously I hate the revolving doors as well, but I have learned to just go through as quickly as possible and deal.  However, Audrey just froze.  Tyler was trying to get her to go through as he carried a car seat and roller bag, but she struggled the entire time through.  We finally made it through the doors and I figured we were on for smooth sailing...WRONG!

As we began going through the ticket line and started the checking baggage process we were told that the airlines does not provide plastic covers for the car seats.  Really?  We traveled last January and got it from a different airline, but I guess this airline decided not to.  But for only $15 we could purchase one of their durable cloth bags, but since our car seats were so big, we would have to buy two.  Okay so we had to pay a little extra, no big deal.  Then my bag that had the kids and I's clothes in it was over by 2 pounds.  The lady couldn't look the other way and stick a heavy tag on it?  Oh no I had to then go through and transfer items to my husband's bag, all the while the line becomes super long and you can hear the disgruntle folks behind me.  Finally we were ready to be done with the ticketing and baggage process when I am then told I need to take all my crap over to the folks in TSA.  At this point I am just pissed, and I really have no reason to be upset but I am tired, hungry, and grouchy.  Ayden is crying because he wants his Dad, Audrey wants me to hold her, and we need to take the luggage and car seats over to the luggage area.  Well in my great mind of thought I put Ayden on top of my roller bag and began pushing him on it, but he decides to practice his gymnastics and off sets the suitcase and we both go toppling over the bag.  I caught him, but he still fell and it scared him, and all the folks waiting for us to leave watched the entire thing!  I gave up, left my bag on the floor, scooped up Ayden, grabbed Audrey's hand and we all sat and waited until Tyler got the luggage to the proper spot. (Probably should have done that in the first place, but I guess I was not thinking clearly.)

While waiting for Tyler to begin our next adventure...security, I took notice that Ayden was breaking out in hives.  So I then go into panic mode.  I instantly want to have him looked over by a medic or need to call for a referral from TriCare (or whatever it is called nowadays) and take him to the urgent care when we arrive in Oregon.  I think at this point Tyler had ignored me and just decided to go through security.  We waited in line and I got quite a few comments on if Ayden was okay after the fall...yes he is okay, but my pride wasn't.  It was our turn to go through the metal detectors and we all went single file with me at the end.  Ayden was in front of me, doing great when he went through the metal detector and some nimrod wasn't paying attention and clocked the kid with the plastic swinging door for the wheelchairs to go through.  I about died.  I scooped the poor kid up and he was fine, simply dazed, but boy did the TSA guy chew the other TSA guy's butt.  I was happy that someone else did it as I was already crazy enough this morning.

We finally got to our gate, and the kids were ready to go.  I hate when we stand in line to get on the plane though.  Either you have folks who really like kids and understand that it is hard traveling with children or you have those folks who roll their eyes.  Good thing I did not encounter any eye rolling that first leg.  The flight to Denver is quick so things went smoothly.  While we were getting ready to board for our flight to Portland though you could tell that Ayden was exhausted.  The eye rolls began, but at this point I knew he would fall asleep once we took off.  Bonus...he fell asleep even before take off.  Audrey watched her movie and was very happy through the flight.

Once in Portland, Tyler helped get our luggage, but then set off to get the rental car.  The kids were wound up because they had to sit and be quiet, but they felt that the terminal was a great place to run and squeal.  I let them get their energy out because I knew we still had a two hour drive to Corvallis, but boy did I get that look of control your kids.  There were quite a few people who were trying to talk on their cell phones and I think my kids giggles and squeals made it hard to hear, but seriously folks they are kids, cut them some slack.  Now don't think I allowed them to climb on the luggage carousels or any thing crazy.  I just let them play and be kids.

We finally began our journey to Corvallis and the kids both slept most of the way...HALLELUJAH!

Our visit was great and the kids saw the ocean for the first time.  We even enjoyed a 60 degree day, which was a such a treat.  Our trip back was not even half as eventful as on our way to Oregon, but we did have a few meltdowns.  However this is totally normal for having a 3 1/2 year old and a 20 month old.

So as I laugh at our adventure of traveling.  I realize that traveling with children is not for the weak.  You have to have patience, lots of treats and toys, and more patience.  I know they will not be little forever, but I do look forward to the day that they can carry their own bags and not need a car seat for travel! 

Embracing Change

When one door closes, another is opened.

Today my post is in honor of a great man.  Someone who has taught me the importance of honesty, integrity, and family.  A man who help shape the individual I am today.  Today I celebrate my Dad!  Today is a day that needs a shout out because it is his last day as a Sergeant at the Sheriff's Department!  I am sure this day is bittersweet, but exciting as well.

Lets face it, my Dad embraces change just like I do.  I guess I learned from him that change is hard and it goes over well in our lives like turds in a punchbowl. But I think we both know that change is inevitable and everything happens for a reason.  I know that my father had a grand plan on working for another two years, but God had a different plan.

I have always remembered my Dad as a police officer.  I know when I was little, he worked multiple jobs, but he managed to turn his passion of police work into a reality.  My father worked at a manufacture shop for what I remember as a really little kid, and he also worked for the township as a police officer part time and he even was fire chief.  He put in 9 years and 10 months as a part time police officer before making it his full time career, and 27 1/2 years later he will work his last day at the Roscommon County Sheriff's Department.

Now there were times that I despised as a teenager having a father for a police officer, but at the same time there is a sense of pride and respect for those who serve and protect, as he would say.  I also hated having only one weekend a month to spend with my Dad.  When he worked a different shift each week, that was a hard thing to cope with as well.  I swear my brother and I had the hardest time being quiet when he worked that midnight shift.  I still to this day cannot be quiet with my brother int he same room.  (Imagine that!)  Lets face it being a kid of a cop really kinda stunk.  Your Dad found out about everything and where you were ALL the time, and he was not around for a lot of our school functions because he was working.  However the times we had as a family were even that more special and memorable.  

I can only imagine the emotions he is feeling with the uncertainty, however I bet you there is some excitement to have every weekend off!  Heck Dad, every night can be your Friday night and I am sure you will rub that in Mom's face until she retires next spring. However, I am here to help my Dad, like any daughter would.  If you get bored, as I am not sure when you will be starting your next job that you have had in the works for a couple years now, seriously this man cannot sit still, I have a few items to help keep you busy.   First on your list is the cottage on 113 Argus Court...have at it:)  Number two on your list is to take Audrey and Ayden to Cabella's to purchase fishing poles.  Audrey will be needing the pink princess fishing pole as that is what fish like and it is the fishing pole she talks about a lot!  I would pay money just to be a fly on the wall to see all the things the kids could convince you to purchase at that store:).  You will also need to take the kids fishing at the goose park.  This is a request from Audrey, however she realized that Walnut Creek was a good idea too.  She is definitely scoping out the fishing holes Papa, you would be proud.  However when you explain that she will have to stick the hook through the worm, she may come unglued as worms are our friends right now.  Ayden will just try to eat the worms, so have fun with that one.  I could certainly add to the list, but I will leave it right there.

Even though I know that my Dad is feeling very out of control with having to retire before he planned, I think he will truly enjoy his time off.  Being able to live life with the ones you love whenever you want is going to become a priority, and hopefully the issue with needing to constantly doing something will calm down.  So as you answer those last phone calls and file that last bit of paper work, I hope you enjoy your last day Dad.  However I hope that you enjoy your celebration after work more!  Have a few for the ones who cannot be with you to celebrate, but I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being such a dedicated Dad to provide for your family.  You made a lot of sacrifices for us and now it is your turn to enjoy your time off!  Love you bunches Dad!!

To vaccinate or not? That is the question!

This topic could definitely get heated as I know there are many who are very passionate/opinionated of this subject!  However, out of respect of this blog and ALL my readers, please if you must comment be polite and mature.

I am not writing this to piss anyone off or get any one's panties in a bunch. I am writing this because I have seen so many articles and studies out there about the subject so it has just prompted me to start the discussion.

I was vaccinated as a child, and I vaccinate my children.  In fact some may think I may over vaccinate, if that is even such a thing.  However here is my take on this situation.  I want to protect my children, therefore if there is a vaccination out there that will protect my child from getting a disease that could possibly take their life, you better believe your bottom dollar I am doing it.  It seems like common sense right?

This is where you may begin to question me though.  I had both my kids receive the flu shot last month, but I refused the flu shot myself.  I am one of those weirdos that seems to get more ill when I have the flu shot than when I don't.  I have had this discussion with my doctors many times and the research shows this is not possible that the shot is making me more ill.  So I have accepted that, but realized that my body just does not react appropriately to the flu vaccination.  However my children are exposed to things I don't feel I am.  I do not directly stick my hands in my mouth or random objects like they do, which seems to make them even more susceptible to the germs.  Therefore, Ayden needed to get the shot because he puts everything in his mouth and if this could prevent him from getting seriously ill, not from being sick because kids will get sick regardless, then it needs to happen.  Audrey is in preschool and exposed to a lot of germs, I was hesitant to have her get the shot, however she actually asked to get it.  Now who's kid asks for a shot?  I guess mine does and I supported her by not batting an eye for her to have that sucker afterwards since she was so brave.

Therefore, I feel that when we do not vaccinate our children it allows them to be exposed to things that could be prevented.  I know that many years ago these vaccinations were not available and people survived, however why would you want to take that chance?  Yet we are all parents and feel we are doing the best for our children, so I am not one to judge if you vaccinate or not. 

Here are a few links that are in regards to vaccination, that I found intriguing to read.

http://www.mamamia.com.au/social/vaccination-growing-up-unvaccinated/

http://www.parents.com/health/vaccines/controversy/vaccines-the-reality-behind-the-debate/

http://www.naturalnews.com/032997_mandatory_vaccines_public_schools.html

Developmental Milestones

When it comes to developmental milestones, I have to always remember these are guidelines, so I need to not obsess.  However what happens when your pediatrician decides to raise an eyebrow at your concerns and begins to take every precautionary step in the book?  Crazy mommy is what happens.

Let me take you back to August when I took Audrey in for her three year old check up.  It was our first trip to the Offut Medical Clinic and boy was I impressed.  They wanted me to fill out developmental questions, five pages, and even had Audrey complete an eye test!  The eye test by the way could be a separate post as you really should not give a three year old an eye test in a hallway of a clinic!  I think by the end of the eye test Audrey had the plastic eye cover on her nose and she was telling the gentleman she saw Santa on the third row.

When I was finally able to herd my two children into a room, I addressed my concern of a few gross motor skill delays for Audrey.  She wasn't able to jump and her running, well she didn't run.  She would be a great person to have with you hiking if you were not a fast runner, as she would be the first thing the bear ate! (I know horrible mom thought, but it is so true, the kid could not run!)

We talked to the pediatrician and she decided that with a few of these delays, Audrey needed to have a few other doctors to see her.  They wanted her to see an optometrist due to the results of her eye test, and I chuckled because well, the test they did earlier that day was useless with the distracted kiddo I had.  We also got a referral to Monroe Myers for a developmental evaluation...gasp...could there be something wrong?  So now the worrying began.  I expected the conversation that Audrey was slower to develop in some of her gross motor skills, but it was nothing to be alarmed about.  I left with the kids and I realized that the referrals were not bad, but just precautionary, and I just needed to breathe.

It wasn't until ten minutes later I received the phone call from the pediatrician that she wanted us to come back so that she could redo her height.  We had left thinking her growth curve was normal, but she was referring to older data from previous appointments.  The result was that her height growth curve was not consistent with her weight, and that her height had dramatically dropped.  As the doctor is talking to me, I lost it, serious tears streaming down my cheeks because now there was actually alarm by the doctor.  Tests were ordered for blood work and further referrals for a neurologist.  I was a complete stressed out momma!

We got Audrey's blood work done right away, as we wanted to figure things out quick if there were problems.  Tyler took her in for her first blood draw and it was a success as she was very calm and did not even cry.  But because she was little we had to get the rest of the blood on another day, so I thought I could handle the next blood draw.  It was a nightmare!  The gal couldn't even get her vein and traumatized the little gal.  I would never want to draw blood, but geesh, I would think after digging around that she would have the decency to move to the next arm, not wait until the mother holding her screaming child hollered to try the other arm.  After all that, we got the last of the blood drawn and then we waited for the call from the doctor.  

It took forever for the doctor to call, well only a week, but it seemed like forever!  And to my greatest relief, everything was normal.  I finally requested what I had anticipated would be the results of mentioning the delay in gross motor skills, physical therapy, and it was agreed upon that this would be a good idea.  We still have the developmental evaluation that will happen this week, but I sure will be glad when this will be over!  My thoughts on what will occur in the evaluation is that they will conclude that Audrey will not be a basketball player, but will be able to talk circles around her peers.  However, only time will tell and don't worry I will keep you posted:).

Overall I understand the importance of milestones, as we need a guide to ensure kids are on track and when we need to raise concern.  However, I feel that sometimes people jump to conclusions to try and catch things early when a concern is brought up.  I am all for precautionary steps, but my mommy heart strings cannot handle it when there may be something wrong with one of my babies.  My lesson learned here is that I need to take everything with a grain of salt when it comes to child development.  Everyone develops at a different rate, and I need to go with my gut of piping up when I think there is a serious issue or if it is a concern.

I am sure I will be addressing milestones with Ayden soon, as we are at a complete opposite end of the spectrum.  The kid is mastering his gross and fine motor skills, however his vocabulary is not increasing as rapidly as it should.  However I have to cut the kid slack as he is seriously interchanging sign language and words.  He may not be saying two or three word sentences, which is something kids should be doing by 18 months, however he is developing his vocabulary daily and that is all that matters to me according to my mommy intuition. 

Being a Military Spouse

Lets be honest here...I am a military spouse, and I suck at it!  I have tried to be a good wife and mom, but when you slap the adjective military in front of wife, I think I have just failed all together.  I don't mean to be bad in this position, but I just don't fit the stereotype of a military spouse.  Wait...I really don't think I fit any stereotype, so I guess I should cut myself some slack:) 

Yes I get all crazy when I hear of the rationale and reasoning behind some of the things my husband has to do.  Lets take the flight suit for example.  There it is in its wonderful color of green and it has all these patches that are perfectly aligned and placed strategically.  All I want to do is put a patch upside down and put wrinkles on the darn thing.  I have even plotted getting up in the middle of the night to put the patches upside down, but then would feel guilty for my husband having to deal with the results of my craziness.  Already I can hear you thinking what is wrong with this girl?!  I am not sure why this even bugs me because I love order and everything in its place.  However I think it has to go with the reasoning.  I ask Tyler why and he simply says its just the way it is.  Are you kidding me?  Something as complex as the Air Force and that is the best reason!

Lets move on from the uniforms before the nervous twitch in my eye starts.

I also have found that I don't do the functions very well.  I always get nervous that I am going to say something ridiculous to jeopardize Tyler's job.  I mean I have a filter, but sometimes when I am trying to be the little military wife, the filter breaks and stuff just comes out.  I know some of you are so shocked right!  I guess I did well at the Christmas party for the kids, but that was a get together that was low key and not a lot of stress involved.  I had to tend to my children from destroying things, so that did not give me the opportunity to talk too much.

I have not participated in the officer's wives club or meet a lot of other military wives.  Maybe I should so it could help me understand military stuff or create a group that talks about all the crazy things that drive you batty about your husband's job.  Don't get me wrong I have friends that are military and know many military families, I just don't seek people out because they are military.  I guess I always thought that was being too much of a clique.  If I am friends or acquaintances with you and we share the common ground of being a military family, bonus, but I don't seek that out.  My military spouse readers, please don't judge.

So here is something interesting to ponder though.  As much as I complain about the bad job I do as a military spouse, I sure do love the benefits of being a military spouse and the security it has given our family.  I cannot complain about that one bit.  I can get crazy and not act the way I guess I should, but I do appreciate the service and the sacrifice our military provides for our country.  I am even a little sad to leave the military spouse status as my husband will transition to the civilian world.  Even though I have kicked and screamed a lot with the moving and small sacrifices we have had to make due to the military, I think I am going to miss it! 

Thank You!

I am sure you were expecting a post of some of the great kid encounters of the weekend, but I am going to get all sentimental on you:).

I want to sincerely thank you all for your support and positive comments as I post each day.  Maybe you enjoy reading about my chaos because it makes you feel better about yourself or my world is seriously a reality TV series and there are those of you out their that just want to see that you are not the only one out there dealing with similar situations.  Whatever the reason, I appreciate you.

There are days that I feel that I could probably handle the taping of a reality show in my home and that it would be successful.  I can see it now, just the taping of a morning getting ready for physical therapy or preschool, and I would have lots of side bar conversations with the camera questioning my sanity, motivating myself to not get into the chocolate or wine this early in the morning,  and the intentions of my children.  Heck I think if I got the reality TV gig, maybe it could help me get help with the book I want to write about PWS and bullying and my long term goal to be a motivational speaker. Yes my friends here are yet a few more secrets revealed of what I want to be when I grow up.

Regardless of where this blogging takes me, I love doing it and sharing my world with you all.  My intentions are to make people smile and make you all feel that you are not the only ones going through some of this crazy drama.  There are days I feel I am so alone, but that is the most ridiculous thought out there because we are all human, deal with challenges, and have those crazy thoughts in our heads.  Nevertheless our backgrounds, upbringings or ethnicity we all put our pants on one leg at a time.  Believe me, I tried putting both legs at once with a jumping technique and the results were an epic fail.  Just in case you are thinking of trying it at home...don't...it hurts!

A few kid funnies to relieve the drag of Monday though.

*  It is hilarious to see my kids pick up on some of our weird habits.  Recently both kids have begun eating food wrapped in paper towel so their hands do not get dirty.  I just had to tell Audrey that eating a cooking wrapped in a paper towel was much harder to eat than without.  Can you guess who she got that habit from???

* Ayden loves to use the term "uh-oh" A LOT!  Everything is "uh-oh", and just recently I thought he was using it in the right context.  He crashes down a Lego tower...uh-oh.  The cat is into something she is not suppose to be...uh-oh.  Audrey is in a time out...uh oh.  It would appear he has it down to a precise science of how to use the term "uh-oh".  That is until five minutes ago when he spilled his cereal milk all over the floor.  I got silence.  I didn't even know what to say as I was waiting for the "uh-oh" and we were going to move on from there.  Instead we both sat for a minute, watched and listened as the milk dripped off the side of the table, and I said uh-oh and Ayden shook his head.  I guess in his mind, it was not a proper time to use the phrase "uh-oh".

The Great Car Seat Drama

Oh the joys of car seats!  I dream about the day when both children can climb into the car and buckle their own seat belt.

I understand the importance of car seats and how to properly put my kid into a car seat.  I have top of the line car seats for the kids in my car and Tyler's rig has average car seats for the kiddos.  Four car seats for one family, so I think I have some experience in this area.  The car seats in Tyler's car though drive me nuts!  They are the seats that are very vertical and when the kids fall asleep their necks and heads look like they are going to fall off with every bump the car hits.  However, complaining about my children's car seats is not what I intended to post about.  What I want to discuss is the deal-io with car seats and coats!  Honestly this was never an issue when we lived in Colorado.  My kids never needed a heavy coat in Colorado.  Sure it snowed and got cold, but not enough for them to have to wear heavy coats.  In the winters, Audrey and Ayden got away with wearing small polar fleece coats if they traveled on the colder days.  In Nebraska though, it's a different story.

Lets begin with the fact that my car is not even in the garage, which does make a difference in how I put my kids in the car.  They have to be bundled up to walk out to the car, not that it is far, but I don't need them running around without a coat on outside when it is below zero.  Especially Ayden who decides he needs to investigate the rabbit tracks and poop in the yard before he enters the car.  (This kid seriously needs a leash.)  Then I get them to the car and that is when the drama begins.  You spend all that time chasing the kid around to get a coat on so that they don't freeze outside, to then put them in the car to take off the coat to put them in a car seat.  Yes my friends, kids should not wear their coats in car seats!  I get everyone buckled in, covered with their coats and blankets to then arrive at our destination and begin dressing my children in their winter gear again to go outside.  At this point I am ready to just drive myself to a warm destination and say screw you winter and coats.  I love winter, but coats, car seats, and kids? I do not love that combination or the term winter when used together.

Now I understand the importance and actually watched a great video on how loose a car seat actually is when a child is wearing a coat, but something has got to give!  And that is when I found the following idea:  a car seat poncho!  http://www.carseatponcho.com/

I don't sew!  I have literally punctured my nail with the ginormous needle on the sewing machine so I will not be able to make this great little idea.  However, I am hoping that my mother is reading this blog and goes to http://www.fleecefun.com/how-to-make-a-child-cape-or-car-seat-poncho-free-pattern.html
and begins making her grandchildren these fantabulous ponchos in princess and Mickey Mouse fabric.  I will even feature your poncho in a blog Mom and give you free advertising because I know I am not the only mom going crazy with this coat verse car seat battle!

So there you go, you have to keep your kids warm with winter gear, and you have to keep them in car seats for safety, but the two precautions cannot be mixed.  Car seat ponchos...here I come!


Car seat information...so worth the click and read!
http://www.treadingragingwaters.com/2012/02/11-deadly-mistakes-you-didnt-know-you.html

Mommy Guilt

Oh the feeling of Mommy Guilt!  There is no other feeling out there that is worse, okay maybe giving birth is a more painful feeling, but at least we know that goes away, right?!  The mommy guilt never seems to ever leave.  I have mommy guilt over a lot of things, but I do believe my recent mommy guilt has to do with Ayden.

For most of you reading this, you are already aware that my son has a Port Wine Stain on the right side of his face.  I did not even know what a PWS was until I had a child with this, and I have dedicated another blog to PWS and his progress, but that blog, I have not been so open about due to needing to complete and compile before/after pictures and some other personal reasons as well.  I am not ashamed of my son's birthmark and no one in my family is, however I have experienced some very hurtful comments from adults that has me protect my son and his treatment journey.

Just as a side note, about three out of every 1,000 children are born with a PWS, which is a birthmark that looks like maroon wine was spilled on the skin.

When Ayden was born, getting a referral and seeing a dermatologist was a wait, but we did find out that his PWS was only cosmetic.  It did not come with seizures or glaucoma that many PWS come with.  Making the decision if we wanted to treat his birthmark was a very hard decision.  There was a lot of worry over this decision because I struggled with knowing if I was making the decision for myself or for my son.  I have been in education for awhile now, and I am very aware of how cruel children can be.  A child with a PWS is an easy target and I wanted to make sure that if I had the opportunity to get him the laser treatment to help lighten the stain on his face I should give him that.  Doing treatment at a young age is always recommended as it is done and out of the way, and they won't remember it.  Yet as my husband and I were making the decision to get him the treatments, I began wondering if we should wait so Ayden himself could make that decision.  Needless to say we made the decision to go with the laser treatments and he had six pulse dye laser treatments at Denver Children's Hospital.

Once we made the move to Omaha, we went through the proper channels to get our referral to the only pediatric dermatologist that does the laser treatment for PWS.  After meeting with Dr. Nelson we realized Ayden would no longer be given a topical numbing cream, but he would need to have anesthesia to have the treatment completed.  We did know this would eventually be something we would be addressing, but I did not think that my fifteen month old son was needing to go under already.  I asked all the questions to the dermatologist and even our pediatricians and no one seemed alarmed that Ayden would be going under.

His first treatment was hard as it is never fun to have your child carted off away from you, let alone going through the anesthesia process, but it was successful and Ayden did not seem phased at all.  When they brought him back to me, he seriously wanted to eat everything in sight and wanted to go home.  It wasn't until about two months ago, I began researching toddler behavior because my son was being so crazy.  He was simply being a boy, but I wanted to see if some of his behaviors were normal.  Yes I was that mom and I googled it, and then I came across an article that had a study done with small children going under anesthesia that linked aggressive behavior and learning behaviors to anesthesia.  Seriously, this is what I get for looking on the Internet and reading.

I begin to freak out and still am, as Ayden goes in tomorrow for treatment number nine, the third with anesthesia.  Am I harming my son cognitively so that we can correct something that God intended him to be born with?  I feel for the anesthesiologist that will be drilled with questions at 6:30 am by this crazy mom because most the time it is simple questions to verify he is only being put under with the mask, etc.  I can see it now, I will be asking my questions between emotional tears of frustration and fear.  Yep, I  am sure crying right now as I type this...seriously need to get this chemical imbalance checked out.

I have included just two of the many articles that I have read about the links to anesthesia and learning disabilities, but I just need to realize that my son is perfect the way he is and screw everyone else who does not see that!  My husband and I have made the decision to keep going with treatments as they are making a significant difference in the coloring of his PWS.  As Ayden gets older if he chooses to stop treatment we will respect that decision.  Until then, I wait to hear what the anesthesiologist says and pray that treatment number 9 is a success. 

There you go... my recent mommy guilt that is sending my stress level through the roof, but I am sure I will do something or say something that will shift my mommy guilt to another topic or child sooner or later.  Oh the joys of being a Mommy!

http://healthland.time.com/2012/08/20/study-shows-anesthesia-may-lead-to-language-deficits-in-children/

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/anesthesia-use-in-children-may-increase-risk-for-language-memory-problems/

6 months old

18 months old

Siblings are like Snowflakes

Siblings are like snowflakes!  Even though the genetics are the common link, no child is the same.

After I had Ayden, I thought this was not my first rodeo so things should be easier right?  Boy was I wrong!  My children are so different that even nursing was two completely different obstacles.  Once Audrey got the hang of it, she would nurse on both sides for twenty minutes and then she was ready for her next feeding in two hours.  This was predictable and easy to maintain in my little OCD world.  Then there was Ayden.  This kid came out knowing how to eat and he was my little on demand feeder.  Seriously I think the first three months of his life he was attached and I am not exaggerating.  When I had to explain his feeding habits to the doctor at each well baby check up they would make the comment that they did not have a drop down choice for that and would have to always put his feeding in the notes.  This should have been my first indication that Ayden would not fit any normal standards.  

Now my little story above is just one of the examples of how different Audrey and Ayden are.  Yes, I have come to realize that boys and girls are extremely different.  Especially as Audrey will spend a half hour reading books quietly and Ayden could spend a half hour running around chasing the cat with drumsticks and feel that he completed his task for the day.  Double bonus if he is able to corner the cat and take note that she does not sound as loud as the drum when she is whacked:(.

I think back to my childhood and how both my brother and I were different as well.  There are almost four years between us, and my children have 22 months between them.  I think my mom was smart by the spacing because right now I pull my hair daily as I just get through a milestone with Audrey just to begin the same challenge with Ayden.  One word for this battle...EXHAUSTING!  

It is amazing to see the personalities develop in my children.  Audrey amazes me with her ability to take charge of situations, but also is such an observer and very shy in public.  Then there is Ayden, he follows his sister on everything, even when she models inappropriate behavior, you can guarantee he will be attempting it three seconds after she is asked not to!  Ayden loves to try new things and has no issue falling on his face doing it.  Audrey is very detail oriented and really gets worked up over little things.  Whereas Ayden just loves to explore and has such a chill attitude.  Both children have both Tyler and I in them, I will allow for you to figure out what characteristics belong to each:).

One thing that I do know that I love so much about my kids is the fact that they care for each other.  They miss each other when the other is not around and they love to play together.  Yes we have our share of arguments and I know this is only the beginning, but it is amazing how kind they are to each other and the bond they share.  I am so glad that the kids will have each other and be able to stand up for one another.  I already know that Audrey will be in trouble at school for sticking up for her brother because I have seen how defensive she gets when people stare at him for his PWS.  She literally shouted after he came out of laser treatment to a family staring that we did not hurt him but he had a laser treatment and he was okay.  Yes I was embarrassed, but proud at the same time that she too wanted people to know that he was okay and even a two year old saw those questioning stares that they were shooting across the lobby at us.

There are days that Audrey does announce to me that Ayden is her best friend and I truly love to hear this, even though it is short lived.   I too feel that my brother and I are great friends.  Gosh the stories we still share with our parents appall them, but we had so much fun and created chaos so our childhood was never uneventful!  I want my kids to have the same relationship and bond my brother and I have, minus the bickering if that is possible, but we all know that that is inevitable.  So here is to my children making memories, creating chaos in our lives, crying and laughing together, sharing and supporting one another, and most of all loving one another!

Things you never want to hear first thing in the morning

My Sunday morning slumber was abruptly awoken by Audrey coming into our room.  She is the only one that gets up in the morning to open our bedroom door, so of course it was her, but still she has a distinguishable way of gripping the handle and struggling with it that just identifies her further.  Now I hate sleeping with the door closed for crazy reasons, but I also have a delinquent cat who feels it is acceptable to go crazy at wee hours in the morning and she had been evicted about three hours prior to Audrey's wake up call.  I also have a camera in both kids rooms, but the baby monitor is mainly on in Ayden's room.  After today's episode, I am questioning if this is a good choice.

As Audrey came into our room this morning she had announced to her father that she peed in her panties and pjs.  Seriously I jumped out of bed like a ninja and both Tyler and I go sprinting into her room.  We knew what to expect right...so why the urgency to run is beyond me?  My eyes are beginning to focus and I am feeling her sheets so that I can collect all that needs to be washed and her sheets are dry.  Then I realize Audrey is naked.  At least she knew to take off the wet clothes, but where was the pee? Thank goodness Tyler has observation skills in the morning because he is walking out the bedroom to get towels to wipe up the puddle on the floor.  I probably would have stepped in it, as I was still trying to make sense of all this.

So after a minute passed and I assessed the situation with Audrey still standing next to me naked, I came to the conclusion that Audrey woke up and noticed her clock was still blue which meant she was to still stay in her room.  Therefore she got up and decided to quietly play in her room.  With the three year old rationale and problem solving, she decided to get a stool from the bathroom and get to her jewelry.  She cannot play with it when her brother is awake, so I guess she thought that while she was in her room by herself it was a good idea.  She was so engrossed in her play I just assume she wet herself or waited too long.  The only thing that I will never know is how long had she been up.  Of course when you ask her, she tells me she woke up at 80 o'clock, so I guess I will never know what time she woke up.

Of course when I reflect upon this with Tyler after the dust settled, he made me laugh because he was telling me that he was waiting for Audrey to come and crawl into bed like she always does on the weekends when she wakes up, but when his eyes focused he realized she was naked and he did not even know what the words were going to be out of her mouth.  It is amazing how we did not skip a beat with this situation or really talk too much about it, as this is our normal now.  Boy have things changed with just a couple kids!

Emotions: Are these hormones or do I have a chemical imbalance?

Lets see...I have never been the emotional type.  I mean I cried when it was appropriate and have had feelings, but lately I feel I am a blubbering mess.  This my friends is a hard thing to admit by the way!

Maybe I should go back to about ten years ago when I began my teaching career.  I felt sympathy for my students and parents, but I never truly bought into the reasons and excuses that they always gave me about situations.  I know, sounds pretty heartless.  That was me, and seriously I have heard so many excuses that I could probably write a book, not a blog, about why things were overlooked or a behavior arose in the classroom.  I did not get what it was to be a parents or have children.  I loved my students and cared for them deeply, but as you read on you will see having children changed me.  I reflect upon my emotions and behaviors as a teacher and I was kind of a hard ass. 

When I had Audrey I definitely felt the change of my heart and how it flowed over into my teaching.  I cared for my students, but I cared for the parents just as well.  After I had Audrey, I began teaching online elementary students. I was interacting with both parents and students all the time.  I got to learn about families and their dynamics more than I would being a teacher in the classroom.  Maybe this is what softened me up as a teacher, but I wasn't that soft after baby number one.  However, I did notice that sometimes when I would sing songs to Audrey I would tear up for no apparent reason and I just blamed it on the hormones because I was still nursing at the time. 

It wasn't until I had Ayden that the floodgates opened up and they still have not closed.  Let me share a few examples of my crying episodes.

Example one:  Singing songs can still get me weepy!  Seriously what is so emotional about the Itsy Bitsy Spider?  I guess it is not the song that gets me worked up, it is the excitement and glimmer in both kids eyes that gets me every time.  They have so much enthusiasm, life, and excitement to sing and do hand motions with me that is is literally allowing for a lump to start up in my throat right now.  I know right....I am a hot mess!

Example two:  I took Audrey to Disney on Ice when we were still living in the Springs, and I was so excited for her to go.  I mean what little girl who loves princesses and Disney wouldn't?  The enthusiasm and smile on her face was priceless.  There were times she was jumping and screaming like a teenager at a Justin Bieber concert, and my heart just swelled for her.  So there I was at the World Arena, everyone happy and excited, Audrey included, and I had huge tears running down my cheeks.  Seriously what was wrong with me?  Must be those hormones from nursing, right?

Example three:  Now that Ayden is 19 months and slowly weening himself from his only feeding in the morning, I don't think I can blame this one on hormones.  We took the kids to see Sesame Street Live yesterday.  I was so excited because we have been waiting to go to this show for FOREVER!  Ayden is really into Cookie Monster and Elmo, so this was great that he would get totally excited about the show like Audrey was.  So the opening of the show begins and all the little Sesame Street friends are dancing and singing and it happens to me again.  I am crying, I am assuming I am crying tears of joy, but seriously who cries at Sesame Street Live?  And it wasn't just the initial crying at the beginning, I cried at random moments of the show.  There were times Audrey and Ayden were dancing and excited, there were moments when they were talking about being different and how it was okay, the list and times go on.  I am sure the guy sitting next to me was either thinking I was drunk or high, crazy, or maybe he was missing the part of the show I was watching. 

I have so many other breakdown moments of tears, but honestly you may begin to question my sanity as you read more, so I am going to leave you with just the three examples.

My conclusions that I have come to for my emotions are that I hope that I am not crazy, but rather just very happy that I have been blessed with children that I love so much.  I think having children has made me a better person and has given me a better understanding on life and how to approach it with open arms.  I also know that when I get those great big hugs and kisses with the words of "I love you", my heart just melts and yes tears fall, but who cares.  I am a mom, and if I can't model emotions for my children, who will?

Sampling the World through a Toddler

My previous post was in no way to make any one feel sorry for me or take pity upon the challenges I endured.  I seriously was taken back that even my husband responded with bringing me home flowers, as he just felt bad.  Really?  Don't feel bad for me.  I have two beautiful children, a wonderful husband, a roof over my head, and a great support system of family and friends.  I have just learned that I had to document what was going on in my world, as I felt myself getting distant and going into that hibernation mode.  Writing has brought me back to life...thank goodness because I was getting a little drab!

So onto my next topic...exploration and sampling as a toddler.  This will become graphic at times as I am still in shock that this even occurred in my house.  But as a mom, I have learned to never underestimate your children.  In fact Tyler and I are desensitized to some things that as younger adults we would have freaked out completely. 

I remember before I had children I heard stories and seen pictures of kids sticking things in their noses and having to go to the doctor to have them removed.  Or even children that decided that feces were a great way to get out their artistic abilities on the walls.  I do recall my brother climbing on our washing machine going after the bleach and literally spilled all the front of him and my mom thought he drank it....yeah scary moment in the Erber household that day.

It wasn't until Audrey was about a year old and she decided to stick multiple peas up her nose many dinner evenings when I was just out of sight.  We never made a trip to the ER or doctor, but I spent a long time sucking out those squished peas out of her nose with a bulb syringe.  But then just like it began, Audrey stopped the crazy behavior. 

About a month ago, Ayden discovered that his nose had great holes in them for sticking small objects into them.  Well first he discovered he could stick his finger in his nose.  I of course freaked out and told him to take his finger out of his nose, and he laughed and it became a game.  Seriously he would do this in public places just to see my reaction.  Church was a great place to do it because he had a big audience and boy did he get the giggles.  But like any child he got bored of his finger and moved on to bigger and better things.  It was now time to dominate the stuffing of tiny pieces of paper towel in his nose.  How did he get the paper towel, I'm sure you are thinking?  Well Ayden enjoys having a paper towel to wipe his mouth during meals, like his sister.  We were sitting down for lunch when I noticed him ripping little pieces off his paper towel and he went to town stuffing that left nostril.  After some dedicated work with the bulb syringe and tweezers, I was successful of getting the piece out.  We just had another experience of this yesterday and he has gotten the hang of sniffing and really got that piece stuck, but I did get it out after I concluded we may need to go to the doctor.  Knowing Ayden, I am sure he will move onto other things to put in his nose.  I am only preparing myself for the worse here, but if he decides to kick this habit I would be totally fine with it.

Onto the gross stuff... 

I cloth diaper, and I have a few diapers that are getting a little loose around the legs because the elastic needs to be replaced.  I normally do not put Ayden in these diapers anymore, but I was running low on diapers because I was going to throw a load in the washer that evening.  Ayden had already had a couple bowel movements, so I thought we were in the clear with this diaper.  You would think by kid number two I would learn not to EVER assume.  The kids just finished up their dinner and were wound up, so Tyler and I decided to let them go play in the area next to the dining room, while we finished our glasses of wine. (We should be able to be adults once and awhile, right?)  Ayden came to me with something in his mouth.  He was spitting it out into my hand when I closely examined it.  Was this what I thought it was?  Did Ayden seriously have poo in his mouth and just spit it out in my hand?  I quickly grabbed a washcloth and was cleaning his mouth and face and gave him something to drink because I still wasn't sure what it was.  Then I had Tyler do the inspection of if there was something in his diaper.  He said there was but he didn't see anything fall out so how did he get poo in his mouth.  To save you all from the gory details I will just conclude that a bath was given, teeth were brushed, and clothes were washed as this mishap was due to curiousity and the lack of a tight elastic band around his legs in his cloth diaper. 

As if that was not enough the next day Ayden decided to do more exploring.  This time not with poo but with soap.  Seriously...I may have more grey hairs due to this child than most parents:)  Ayden was playing around in the bathroom on the stool by the sink.  I was using the bathroom because heaven forbid I ever go pee on my own!  He was playing with the water spout extender I have so the kids do not have to reach to get water, a p.  Anyway, he turns around and points to his mouth.  In a blink of an eye he grabbed the soap and squirted it into his mouth.  I guess after his evening of poo flavor he felt he needed to sanitize his mouth with soap.  Of course I clean his mouth out and we move on.

I guess this is the price I pay for having a kid that loves to eat everything!  He needs to try everything, even if it means trying a little poo and soap and sticking paper towel up your nose.

*  Don't worry he just went to the doctor on December 31st for his 18 month check up and he goes again today for his physical for his laser treatment next week.  Ayden is not sick due to his sampling and his nose is clear of all obstructions. *

Life is never dull with children and I need to constantly be on my watch with what is going to happen next, but I would not change these moments for anything!

Good Bye 2013

So here it is...the cold hard truth about what the past year has been for me.  I am not going to lie, it was hard and I was not sure I, or my family, was going to make it at one point in time.  I mean what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?  Well that saying does not sit well with one when they are going through the drama of life.

Lets begin with January 2013...I lost my grandma, my mom's dad, and it just seriously took me down.  I just had begun the new semester for my students, and I had started up one of my final courses for completing my Masters.  I remember the day so vividly when I got the call from my brother to tell me Grandma wasn't doing well and I needed to prepare for the worse.  The entire family was at the grocery store and I was fighting back tears, but knew this call was coming.  I didn't know at that point to be angry or sad.  I mean why did my brother have to call and tell me...why not my Dad?  I finished up grocery shopping, loaded the kids into the car, and dialed my Dad to chew him out for not calling me.  I know...daughter of the year award...right?!  He told me he was going to see how she was as he was talking to me, and would call me back.  Well the ten minute drive home from Safeway and the phone rang as we pulled into the driveway.  Grandma had passed as she had all her family around her, except me (and my brother but there is more to that story that holds a lot of hurt for him).  I cried, but the planner in me knew I had to go to her funeral and I had a ton of things to prep before I left.  I was not going to miss this funeral, as I had missed my Grandfather's funeral the previous June because I literally  just had Ayden and everyone told me to stay home.  Seriously...that was one of my few regrets I have in life, and if I could change it I would but I learned from this mistake that I would do everything in my power to make it to funerals for my loved ones!

We all survived the death of Grandma as we all knew we would, however it made me realize how hard it was to live far away from family.

February was a blur as I feel I was simply in survival mode and I was awaiting those orders of Tyler's like no other.  I wanted to know where we would be living the next three years, and of course the Air Force was taking its sweet time deciding.

I do believe it was in March that Tyler received his orders to Omaha, Nebraska.  I think initially I was shocked, but relieved we weren't going to Minot, ND.  No offense to North Dakota, but I had lived my seven years in Alaska and I wasn't ready for winters like that again.  I know, I have become a softy. My prepping of our new life began.  I had to make sure we had a place to live, a preschool for Audrey, a daycare for Ayden, and a new job for me.  Yet with orders, Tyler still did not have a report date and it wasn't until April we found that out.

April and May were tough months.  I knew there was a lot of weekends I locked myself in my room and simply typed papers and rewrote and recorded curriculum for my students (the server that held all this information literally blew up...great luck huh).  My kids and husband I think missed me, but I had to get this all done at any expense:(

May 24th, we celebrated Ayden's first birthday and it was hard to believe a year had already passed with him in our lives.  Devouring cake and getting into everything were Ayden's two accomplishments for his birthday.

It was June that our world became chaotic.  We took a trip to Nebraska to see the area we would be moving to.  It was nice and lots for kids to do, but I was still overwhelmed about moving to a new place and leaving my friends behind!  We got a tour of our rental and seriously Tyler got our family every membership possible!  I was literally still typing papers in the car as the kids napped as we traveled to and from Colorado for the trip.  By the middle of June the Masters was complete!  Hallelujah and Praise the Lord...that was the hardest thing to do when you have two children under the age of three!  I am so glad I was still nursing towards the end of the degree, as I think drinking heavily may have occurred.

Now for the fun...third week in June...the packers came and packed up our life and hauled it away!  We literally loaded up the cat, kids, and the two cars and began our journey to Nebraska.  Tyler had to do a lot of in-processing, so he did this while the kids and I went to the Children's Museum and the Zoo.  We could not move into our home until July, so we were still in a hotel, with a cat and we still had a road trip ahead of us.  Yes friends we had a graduation party to get to by June 29th in Michigan.  So after spending three days in Nebraska we were off to Michigan.  Boy did we see a lot of corn and fields.

We arrived in Michigan on June 28th and the kids and I had planned to be their until the third week of July.  Tyler would have to go back earlier to actually work and get our stuff to be put into the house.  We had purchased a repo cottage that was in the same neighborhood as my parents, so this became a project for Tyler and I during nap times to work on.  The previous owner had smoked and the house was in bad shape.  We spent hours washing walls, taking off layers of smoke that had taken years to accumulate.  Every time I went into this house I began to just stress to my max.  By the time our time in Michigan was up, the walls had been washed over three times and it still needed more work.  Thank goodness for my father's OCD and need to do projects, as he ripped up flooring, cupboards, cabinets, and anything else that needed to be taken out.

My mom helped with the road trip back to Nebraska.  We all survived in one piece and the unpacking of 500 boxes began.  At this point I know we did great unpacking with the help of my mom, but the disappointment sat in when we had quite a few items missing and broken.  I guess that is the downside of not moving our stuff ourselves, but still I was allowed to be disappointed even though Tyler had prepared me for this possibility.

After we celebrated Audrey's third birthday and sent my mom back to Michigan, the reality set in.  I was in a new place and I hated the unfamiliarity.  I took the kids to the fun places around Omaha.  It was at this point in August I realized that Audrey would be starting preschool in September and I still did not have a job.  I was ready to take the role of a stay at home mom, but I never knew what that entailed.  I did stay home with my kids a lot because I worked as an online teacher the past three years, but this was full on staying at home!

Getting situated with new doctors for the kids, it was noted that their were some developmental concerns for Audrey.  I mean really...how was I going to handle this?  With tons of blood work, Audrey was cleared of some major health concerns and they realized that hey her growth may be different than the rest of the norm.  Imagine that when you have a grandfather that is 5 foot and aunts that are 4'10' and 4'11 1/2"!  We did get physical therapy for her and we are finishing up the last appointment for a developmental evaluation in the next week, but basically I have come to terms that I may not have a basketball player in Audrey, however she will probably talk circles around a lot of her peers.

Ahh....September, I sent Audrey off to preschool, and I think her brother cried harder than I did as I dropped her off.  However he realized preschool was a good thing because then he got more mommy and Ayden time.  Things were going smoothly and I thought life was on track.  You know the moment you feel this way you know something is going to happen, so why was I surprised when Tyler dropped the bomb on me one September evening after we put the kids to bed.  He announced that he was being forced to retire.  My thoughts were this...thank you Air Force for moving my family to have my husband be forced to retire!  I was upset, no wait, I was furious!  For those of you who know me well, you know I am a planner and this was not in my plan.  I knew retirement was soon for Tyler, but I thought we could at least cross that bridge once I got the kids into elementary school.  Then the conversations of what Tyler wants to be when he grows up is more stressful than ever because I don't think he planned.  See my husband is a go with the flow kind of guy.  He approaches things as they come up...which kills me!  However I do know that things will work out, but the planner in me is screaming daily to know what is next!

It wasn't until I was introduced to a MOPS group and I joined the board of Audrey's preschool that I finally felt I had an outside purpose, other than being a stay at home mom.  It was hard to wake up every morning and never have an escape.  Maybe this sounds bad as a mom, but I needed more than talking to toddlers all day long.

So the rest of the year went smoothly.  We established Ayden's treatments at the Children's Hospital, and got a routine down. Audrey was loving school, both kids enjoyed the monthly childcare provided at MOPS, and they loved that weekends were totally dedicated to family time, something that did not happen when we lived in Colorado.

Halloween was an interesting holiday, as Tyler was on nights for the yearly base exercise.  Hauling a Cinderella and Gus Gus the Mouse in and out of a wagon was quite the challenge on my own, but the kids had so much fun and that was all that mattered.

Thanksgiving we had visitors and it was nice to have family for the holidays.  Angela, Samuel and my mom came out for almost a week and enjoyed the time spent together.

Christmas was enjoyed for the first time just as our little family here in Nebraska.  It was very nice to start our own traditions and not have to travel!  However we did miss our families and spending time with them, as well as starting chaos together.

I find it interesting that I have the desire to share my world, but I am sure I am not the only person out there that needs to get their stories out.  So here I go with this first blog about 2013.  I am still struggling as a stay at home mom, as I fill that there is something missing.  Could it be that I feel inadequate as a stay at home mom?  Is it that I don't think I'm good enough to fit the job description?  Or could it be that I want to better myself and I seek advice from others?  I think overall it could be all of the above.  I want to share, get advice, and I also think I need to have one constant in my daily lifestyle.  Working out seems to be a constant that I have, but maybe writing a blog will aid in me fulfilling this constant I desire as well.

I know this was a long one and I apologize, but I had to get it all out!