Every day I am amazed by the growth of my children. But recently I have noticed that my little Ayden has just become a little man verse the little toddler I have always seen him as. Now don't get me wrong we are still a threenager, however the other day all decked out in his button down shirt and jeans he looked grown up and I did not like it. In all reality Ayden is our last biological child we will add to our family, and although I am so grateful for my two beautiful children that is a hard pill to swallow when your baby is getting to be so independent and grown.
The other day we were working on letters and I was just floored on how far along he is when it comes to his knowledge of letters and phonics. He wants to learn and eats it up as we give him knew knowledge, and the kid retains it, even though I think he may not be listening. For example, when Audrey was three and had her conferences in February she still had struggled with a few letters to recognize in print, and to my amazement Ayden is right there. Now Audrey could totally write her name, and with Ayden all we can do is make an "A" and spell his name. That is where things get sticky though, I cannot compare the two kids. They are so different and will continue to be different in so many ways.
Lets talk about physical abilities. Ayden surpasses Audrey by far when it comes to physical stuff, but I think that comes with the territory. He is a boy that loves to learn through discovery and play, where Audrey is okay with being the slow one. Honestly I feel Audrey would love to be in physical therapy for the rest of her school career, but our pocket book is going to not be able to supply that dream if she wants to do other activities. :) Then there is speech. Audrey was great and still is in her vocabulary and articulation. With Ayden, we are in the process of getting him tested for speech this week because even though I can understand him, others around him struggle. And for once I have found the proper route to go through, the school district, to get free services if that is the route we have to go through. Now the even though I felt a little overwhelmed with the speech thing, I really cannot beat myself up over it. Lets look at the situation, Ayden has a built in translator and speaker (Audrey) and he doesn't have to talk as much as she had to. I know that Ayden is super smart, but if he needs help with his speech it can only help him become even more intelligent because then we all will understand him right?
I think I need to stop worrying about everything and realize that my kids are just perfect the way they are. If they need a little extra help in certain areas, that is just fine, because at least we can get them the help they may need. I am sure I could have benefited from a little physical therapy in my earlier years, but look at me now, oh wait lets not do that as I still run into walls. But the bottom line is everything is going to be just fine and I need to stop overthinking it all and embrace the joys.
Tuesday, October 13, 2015
Monday, October 12, 2015
Life
Okay so let me be honest....even though I know that writing is a stress relief for me, it has totally taken the back burner. The past few months I feel like I have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Shuttling kids here and there, making sure lunches and backpacks are packed, and trying to keep up with the daily things of life. Seriously, just thinking about it just makes me exhausted, and that is what I am exhausted and I don't see any sign of things slowing down ever. It is as if once both kids began school, my life revolves around school. As an educator I should be used to this rat race, but as a mom I just am not getting the hang of everything as quickly as I would like.
I work with both kids on reading, letter identification, sounds and blends, one-to-one math correspondence, and I just want them to play. Seriously the teacher inside of me should love the fact that my children have this drive, but at the same time, I want them to just play. Play to learn and understand how to problem solve without having WW III in my home. As much as I sometimes beat myself up because I tell my kids to color or play, instead of completing a craft or school related activity, I have to remember they are learning with all that they are doing. But most of all, they are learning from me. They learn by seeing how I react to things, how tired I probably must look as I run around trying to get all the things done on my to do list.
I probably should stop all this because in all reality my kids aren't going to remember if the chores all got done or if I made that fabulous meal, but rather they will remember that I spent time with them. Time that I don't always feel I have because I have so much to do, but in all reality the rat race has just begun and can only get worse. I need to embrace the time we have and the fact that the kids still want to spend time with me. And I am going to be okay if I decide to go to bed after the kids go to sleep because lets face it mopping the floor at 8 pm is crazy in this season of life. I know a little human will be awake at the butt crack of down to dirty that floor that I stayed up extra late to clean, so I should just save myself time and frustration and breathe and enjoy the life in front of me!
So when all is said and done, what I have wrote is all stuff I have heard and said before, but I really need to listen. It is like this is my demon that I am constantly fighting, and it is about time I won instead of the demon!
I work with both kids on reading, letter identification, sounds and blends, one-to-one math correspondence, and I just want them to play. Seriously the teacher inside of me should love the fact that my children have this drive, but at the same time, I want them to just play. Play to learn and understand how to problem solve without having WW III in my home. As much as I sometimes beat myself up because I tell my kids to color or play, instead of completing a craft or school related activity, I have to remember they are learning with all that they are doing. But most of all, they are learning from me. They learn by seeing how I react to things, how tired I probably must look as I run around trying to get all the things done on my to do list.
I probably should stop all this because in all reality my kids aren't going to remember if the chores all got done or if I made that fabulous meal, but rather they will remember that I spent time with them. Time that I don't always feel I have because I have so much to do, but in all reality the rat race has just begun and can only get worse. I need to embrace the time we have and the fact that the kids still want to spend time with me. And I am going to be okay if I decide to go to bed after the kids go to sleep because lets face it mopping the floor at 8 pm is crazy in this season of life. I know a little human will be awake at the butt crack of down to dirty that floor that I stayed up extra late to clean, so I should just save myself time and frustration and breathe and enjoy the life in front of me!
So when all is said and done, what I have wrote is all stuff I have heard and said before, but I really need to listen. It is like this is my demon that I am constantly fighting, and it is about time I won instead of the demon!
Monday, September 14, 2015
Just when you think it can't get any worse....
Oh My Lanta! I know that it has been forever and a day since I last blogged, but seriously I am having to prioritize and unfortunately blogging has become low on the priority list. I know...sad right? Seriously blogging is something that makes me happy, but I just have to give up on being so dedicated to writing every day. I however have not given it up. I just had to share this story with you all as I just thought my life couldn't get any crazier.
It all began yesterday. A typical Sunday, but see it really wasn't because I was up from 1-5 because I was dealing with a child who was afraid of bugs and then I couldn't fall back to sleep. I seriously struggle with this not falling back to sleep thing and it totally makes me a cranky and irritable person. So regardless to say I was on edge yesterday and the kids well were taking things up a notch. To the point where Tyler and I were discussing how fabulous that bottle of local wine would taste late afternoon. We just had a few things to complete before our day could wind down. Church and the musical Pete the Cat were the two obligations and then we could tend to our laundry, dinner, and being a family.
We successfully made it through both things and honestly the kids occupied themselves nicely up until after dinner. Then sheer fatigue set in for all of us. At one point I was getting a graphic ready for my MOPS group and was messaging another momma, and while doing this my kids were fighting like cats and dogs and my husband was doing the dishes. I was striving for mom and wife of the year at that point (nope!). I just wanted to get my graphic done, get the kids to do 30 minutes of cleaning with me, and then it was pajama time. It all worked out. All three things were completed and then my kids realized that the neighbor kids were all still playing outside. It was 7 pm and my kids need to wind down. I know I may seem like a cruel momma, but these babies need their sleep and I don't care if the entire neighborhood is having a party or carnival, they were not going outside but rather getting ready for bed. Then the tears came. You know those tears of "It's not fair" or "You're the meanest more ever". I just love those phrases, said no mom ever!
So at this point we were all losing our minds and that fabulous local wine had definitely stopped warming my insides and I just needed folks to be in bed. It was agony. I felt like I had gone to war and I was about ready to just lay on my sword and admit defeat, but I couldn't let the little humans win right? And it would all be over soon, right? Well everyone was in bed, crying when of course more chaos had to occur. Seriously Lord, I am not sure I could handle any more at this point, but he had a little message for me.
That message was delivered to me as I read a Little Critter book to my son, praying that Audrey would stop crying like a crazy person, and then the noise downstair begun. The only thing downstairs was our cat on our deck. See our deck is an enclosed deck that has no steps so it is the best outdoor cage for an indoor cat who wants to seek adventure. She basically takes cat naps out there and on hot days I fear she is baking her insides. But Sunday night, that glorious evening of just hoping the kids could would go to sleep and I could have a little peace was quickly interupted by loud banging, meowing, screeching, and nails scratching on glass and linoleum.
I hear all the commotion and throw the book at Ayden and run downstairs. I knew the cat had something, and honestly I had no idea what, but when I got downstairs I found our cat in a very proud stance with one paw on a poor sparrows neck. Seriously this cat was pausing for me as all these tiny feathers were floating all around my kitchen floor. Imagine someone getting caught in a pillow fight with down pillows and all the pillows drifting around, that was the scene I walked into except I had a cat ready to slaughter a bird and all I could think about was what a mess that thing would make if it flew around our house if the cat had already slashed it.
I don't even know how this worked out so perfectly, but I pushed the cat out of the way and scooped up the bird. The poor thing looked at me with the eyes of gratitude and the cat began meowing and trying to climb up my leg. Seriously cat, your fun is over. While all this is going on, low and behold, Tyler has no clue what is going on. I had to yell upstairs for him to open our basement slider so that I could place the bird on the grass because I had no idea how much damage may have been done. Tyler of course was shocked to see me holding a bird and all I can think is how did you not hear all this going on? Then again he was in the room with wailing Audrey so I guess I should cut him some slack.
I released the bird and it miraculously flew out of my hands and went about its evening, all while I am thinking this did not happen. Like seriously how in the world do these things happen to the Evans' family. It is little chaos that just makes me laugh. I know see the message as I wake up with new eyes for a new day. We were to not sweat the small stuff, you know the screaming and crying, because even though it may seem like a big deal at the time it really is nothing compared to having a cat sit on your throat with her claws out and ready to go in for the kill. There are days I feel like my kids are sitting on my waiting to go in for the kill, end my sanity right then and there, and then I have to remember guess what they are kids. And you know what makes it even easier to get through that though? That there is fabulous wine that can always help bring the chaos view down a notch or two.
Happy Monday folks!
It all began yesterday. A typical Sunday, but see it really wasn't because I was up from 1-5 because I was dealing with a child who was afraid of bugs and then I couldn't fall back to sleep. I seriously struggle with this not falling back to sleep thing and it totally makes me a cranky and irritable person. So regardless to say I was on edge yesterday and the kids well were taking things up a notch. To the point where Tyler and I were discussing how fabulous that bottle of local wine would taste late afternoon. We just had a few things to complete before our day could wind down. Church and the musical Pete the Cat were the two obligations and then we could tend to our laundry, dinner, and being a family.
We successfully made it through both things and honestly the kids occupied themselves nicely up until after dinner. Then sheer fatigue set in for all of us. At one point I was getting a graphic ready for my MOPS group and was messaging another momma, and while doing this my kids were fighting like cats and dogs and my husband was doing the dishes. I was striving for mom and wife of the year at that point (nope!). I just wanted to get my graphic done, get the kids to do 30 minutes of cleaning with me, and then it was pajama time. It all worked out. All three things were completed and then my kids realized that the neighbor kids were all still playing outside. It was 7 pm and my kids need to wind down. I know I may seem like a cruel momma, but these babies need their sleep and I don't care if the entire neighborhood is having a party or carnival, they were not going outside but rather getting ready for bed. Then the tears came. You know those tears of "It's not fair" or "You're the meanest more ever". I just love those phrases, said no mom ever!
So at this point we were all losing our minds and that fabulous local wine had definitely stopped warming my insides and I just needed folks to be in bed. It was agony. I felt like I had gone to war and I was about ready to just lay on my sword and admit defeat, but I couldn't let the little humans win right? And it would all be over soon, right? Well everyone was in bed, crying when of course more chaos had to occur. Seriously Lord, I am not sure I could handle any more at this point, but he had a little message for me.
That message was delivered to me as I read a Little Critter book to my son, praying that Audrey would stop crying like a crazy person, and then the noise downstair begun. The only thing downstairs was our cat on our deck. See our deck is an enclosed deck that has no steps so it is the best outdoor cage for an indoor cat who wants to seek adventure. She basically takes cat naps out there and on hot days I fear she is baking her insides. But Sunday night, that glorious evening of just hoping the kids could would go to sleep and I could have a little peace was quickly interupted by loud banging, meowing, screeching, and nails scratching on glass and linoleum.
I hear all the commotion and throw the book at Ayden and run downstairs. I knew the cat had something, and honestly I had no idea what, but when I got downstairs I found our cat in a very proud stance with one paw on a poor sparrows neck. Seriously this cat was pausing for me as all these tiny feathers were floating all around my kitchen floor. Imagine someone getting caught in a pillow fight with down pillows and all the pillows drifting around, that was the scene I walked into except I had a cat ready to slaughter a bird and all I could think about was what a mess that thing would make if it flew around our house if the cat had already slashed it.
I don't even know how this worked out so perfectly, but I pushed the cat out of the way and scooped up the bird. The poor thing looked at me with the eyes of gratitude and the cat began meowing and trying to climb up my leg. Seriously cat, your fun is over. While all this is going on, low and behold, Tyler has no clue what is going on. I had to yell upstairs for him to open our basement slider so that I could place the bird on the grass because I had no idea how much damage may have been done. Tyler of course was shocked to see me holding a bird and all I can think is how did you not hear all this going on? Then again he was in the room with wailing Audrey so I guess I should cut him some slack.
I released the bird and it miraculously flew out of my hands and went about its evening, all while I am thinking this did not happen. Like seriously how in the world do these things happen to the Evans' family. It is little chaos that just makes me laugh. I know see the message as I wake up with new eyes for a new day. We were to not sweat the small stuff, you know the screaming and crying, because even though it may seem like a big deal at the time it really is nothing compared to having a cat sit on your throat with her claws out and ready to go in for the kill. There are days I feel like my kids are sitting on my waiting to go in for the kill, end my sanity right then and there, and then I have to remember guess what they are kids. And you know what makes it even easier to get through that though? That there is fabulous wine that can always help bring the chaos view down a notch or two.
Happy Monday folks!
Friday, August 21, 2015
2 Kids to 1
I feel super guilty writing about this, but after a few days of Audrey at kindergarten I have noticed something...having only one kid around during the day is easy in some regards. I mean Ayden doesn't keep himself as entertained as well as he does with Audrey around, but he can find things to do independently and I can actually get things done. Like really done, and the activities we can do together are genuine. Not that anything I did with two kids wasn't, but I just feel like this is the first time that Ayden and I really have had that time to engage in some conversations. Of course it was just Ayden and I when Audrey was at preschool, but that was for a short period of time and we did a lot of errands during that time and he was not into talking and learning as much as he is now.
We made jam yesterday and I was just amazed on how intrigued he was on measuring and what the ingredients in the jam were. And the crazy thing is he can tell me right now which container holds instant pectin and sugar. It is almost as if the distance from Audrey and the fact that we have more time together, a fire has been ignited. The kid just floors me. I knew he was smart, but the fact that he has to practice his letters and numbers the moment we get home after dropping Audrey off at school makes me realize he will just be fine at preschool this year.
But there is this weird guilt I have. I feel guilty that Audrey is at school working hard, and Ayden and I are off on our adventures. Whether it is going to the Children's Museum or just staying home and making cookies (it's on the agenda for the next couple days), these are things I used to do with Audrey and Ayden and I sometimes feel guilt. However to my surprise yesterday she did make the comment when she found out we went to the museum that us going was just fine because she was at school being a big kid. As long as she continues with this great attitude, I guess I shouldn't feel guilty for doing the activities. Plus, Ayden and I have to get out of the house because otherwise we may go a little stir crazy.
I will continue to feel a little guilty, but at the same time I love the fact that I can get so much more done and the little trips like going to Target are far easier than with two:)
We made jam yesterday and I was just amazed on how intrigued he was on measuring and what the ingredients in the jam were. And the crazy thing is he can tell me right now which container holds instant pectin and sugar. It is almost as if the distance from Audrey and the fact that we have more time together, a fire has been ignited. The kid just floors me. I knew he was smart, but the fact that he has to practice his letters and numbers the moment we get home after dropping Audrey off at school makes me realize he will just be fine at preschool this year.
But there is this weird guilt I have. I feel guilty that Audrey is at school working hard, and Ayden and I are off on our adventures. Whether it is going to the Children's Museum or just staying home and making cookies (it's on the agenda for the next couple days), these are things I used to do with Audrey and Ayden and I sometimes feel guilt. However to my surprise yesterday she did make the comment when she found out we went to the museum that us going was just fine because she was at school being a big kid. As long as she continues with this great attitude, I guess I shouldn't feel guilty for doing the activities. Plus, Ayden and I have to get out of the house because otherwise we may go a little stir crazy.
I will continue to feel a little guilty, but at the same time I love the fact that I can get so much more done and the little trips like going to Target are far easier than with two:)
Wednesday, August 19, 2015
Kindergarten Survival
You can sense the theme here. It's kindergarten. This is my reality now and I am just trying to cope over here.
The first day went okay. I say okay because even though Audrey was super excited and said she had a great time, Ayden and I struggled.
We began our day with lots of First Day of Kindergarten pictures. I survived with no tears. We parked the car and walked up to the school and surprisingly there were no tears. I was very surprised on how well I was doing, and then it hit me. Audrey wanted to take a picture with her teacher, and things got real. Like I snapped the pictured, pulled Audrey to the line she was to stand in, and literally tapped out of the situation and very aggressively told Tyler to take over. The tears were streaming and I could not make them stop, but I did not want her to see me because well that would make things bad, so I hid behind Ayden as I held him. I am sure there were tons of folks thinking, Lord help that lady, but at that point I did not care. I was sad and was being consoled with gentle pats on the back by my 3 year old.
I think as Audrey walked off in line into the school, it got me the most. She didn't even look back at us, she confidently walked into the school and I knew she was going to be fine, but ugh...the tears. There was a Boo Hoo breakfast that we could go to after the kids went in, but I decided that since I was already a hot mess I just couldn't do it. After we got to the car, I cried some more and began to bawl once Ayden began singing his own song about how Audrey was going to school and he wanted her to stay home with him. The kid was literally singing the blues, but at least I know he truly does love her.
Ayden and I sat at the table and he ate some breakfast while I drank some coffee. He kept asking what was wrong with me because I kept crying. I seriously ugly cried for at least an hour and a half, but hopefully the crying is over for now. I mean I don't think I have any tears left!
With all that being said, we all survived. This will be a transition for us all, but I know Audrey is happy and will enjoy her kindergarten year. Ayden and I will be adjusting to the change, but before I know it he will be starting preschool up in September and hopefully a new set of emotions will not be overcoming me. Who am I kidding, I may be crying the next couple weeks, but as everything in life, this to shall pass.
Here's to hoping I can keep it together when I drop her off today!
The first day went okay. I say okay because even though Audrey was super excited and said she had a great time, Ayden and I struggled.
We began our day with lots of First Day of Kindergarten pictures. I survived with no tears. We parked the car and walked up to the school and surprisingly there were no tears. I was very surprised on how well I was doing, and then it hit me. Audrey wanted to take a picture with her teacher, and things got real. Like I snapped the pictured, pulled Audrey to the line she was to stand in, and literally tapped out of the situation and very aggressively told Tyler to take over. The tears were streaming and I could not make them stop, but I did not want her to see me because well that would make things bad, so I hid behind Ayden as I held him. I am sure there were tons of folks thinking, Lord help that lady, but at that point I did not care. I was sad and was being consoled with gentle pats on the back by my 3 year old.
I think as Audrey walked off in line into the school, it got me the most. She didn't even look back at us, she confidently walked into the school and I knew she was going to be fine, but ugh...the tears. There was a Boo Hoo breakfast that we could go to after the kids went in, but I decided that since I was already a hot mess I just couldn't do it. After we got to the car, I cried some more and began to bawl once Ayden began singing his own song about how Audrey was going to school and he wanted her to stay home with him. The kid was literally singing the blues, but at least I know he truly does love her.
Ayden and I sat at the table and he ate some breakfast while I drank some coffee. He kept asking what was wrong with me because I kept crying. I seriously ugly cried for at least an hour and a half, but hopefully the crying is over for now. I mean I don't think I have any tears left!
With all that being said, we all survived. This will be a transition for us all, but I know Audrey is happy and will enjoy her kindergarten year. Ayden and I will be adjusting to the change, but before I know it he will be starting preschool up in September and hopefully a new set of emotions will not be overcoming me. Who am I kidding, I may be crying the next couple weeks, but as everything in life, this to shall pass.
Here's to hoping I can keep it together when I drop her off today!
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
A Kindergarten Letter
I have totally seen this on social media going around and I have refrained from reading any of them because of all the tears that would fall. Therefore I am going to be that mom and write my daughter a letter and cry while doing it.
Dear Sweet Audrey,
I can still remember the day you were born. The fateful day that you made me a mom, and made all my confidence go out the door but made my heart love more than I ever thought possible. I have always been able to be feel confident in whatever job I have taken on, that was until I became a mom. You made me a momma and you have helped me grow and discover that we do not have to be the best at everything, however you have a way in making me feel that I do a pretty good job at doing this mom thing.
Today you will take a walk into school and you will be ready to conquer the world. With the deep caring for others and fiery passion, you will do well. I tell myself these things because I have to remember that it will be okay and that you can do all this, however it is my lack of confidence that has me in tears. Did I prepare you for every situation you will encounter? Was I too hard on you before you went to bed and will you second guess how much I truly love you? Deep down I know you will be fine, but why are my insecurities hindering my happiness of letting you go and begin this next chapter in your little life?
I have complained many days that you and your brother were driving me bonkers, and quite frankly it was probably true, but even though it brought stress at the time, I am no longer going to have two kiddos in my house on a daily basis. Your little ways of helping will be missed more than either of us know until I experience it. The house will not be filled with chatter and maybe Ayden and I will be able to decide what to do for the day rather than having our event planner (that would be you) telling us what we should do for our day.
With that all being said as a former teacher, I now look at the first day of school in a new light. A light that I am not sure I am ready for, but time has left me no choice. So Audrey Raschel, you go and enjoy every last minute of kindergarten. I want you to enjoy your new friends, teachers, and school. I want you to be happy and never lose that sparkle in your eye and your thirst for knowledge. This is only the beginning, and we will have many chapters to open to in the future, but this one is big.
Enjoy and be happy my sweet baby girl.
Love,
Mom
Dear Sweet Audrey,
I can still remember the day you were born. The fateful day that you made me a mom, and made all my confidence go out the door but made my heart love more than I ever thought possible. I have always been able to be feel confident in whatever job I have taken on, that was until I became a mom. You made me a momma and you have helped me grow and discover that we do not have to be the best at everything, however you have a way in making me feel that I do a pretty good job at doing this mom thing.
Today you will take a walk into school and you will be ready to conquer the world. With the deep caring for others and fiery passion, you will do well. I tell myself these things because I have to remember that it will be okay and that you can do all this, however it is my lack of confidence that has me in tears. Did I prepare you for every situation you will encounter? Was I too hard on you before you went to bed and will you second guess how much I truly love you? Deep down I know you will be fine, but why are my insecurities hindering my happiness of letting you go and begin this next chapter in your little life?
I have complained many days that you and your brother were driving me bonkers, and quite frankly it was probably true, but even though it brought stress at the time, I am no longer going to have two kiddos in my house on a daily basis. Your little ways of helping will be missed more than either of us know until I experience it. The house will not be filled with chatter and maybe Ayden and I will be able to decide what to do for the day rather than having our event planner (that would be you) telling us what we should do for our day.
With that all being said as a former teacher, I now look at the first day of school in a new light. A light that I am not sure I am ready for, but time has left me no choice. So Audrey Raschel, you go and enjoy every last minute of kindergarten. I want you to enjoy your new friends, teachers, and school. I want you to be happy and never lose that sparkle in your eye and your thirst for knowledge. This is only the beginning, and we will have many chapters to open to in the future, but this one is big.
Enjoy and be happy my sweet baby girl.
Love,
Mom
Monday, August 17, 2015
Questions
Today was going to be my sappy letter to Audrey on kindergarten post, but I just can't even start that right now! I am a hot emotional mess with the thought of kindergarten, and then I am snapped out of that funk when I am asked the question of the year by Ayden, "When are we going to Disney World?" You know it wouldn't be bad if he asked me this a couple times a week, but this kid does not let up. Obviously you sense my frustration and I better back up for some of you to shed some light on the situation.
Last Thursday Ayden found the Disney World planning DVD. It has a little catalog and a DVD that they kids watched last year about the park. If you haven't caught on by now the Evans' family is a planning family so we like to make sure we have all our options covered before jumping into a big purchase or planning a vacation. So the kid found the DVD and has done nothing but talk about Disney World. Friday we threw an epic tantrum because we couldn't go to Disney World tomorrow. Seriously child it's not like we can just go, it's not like we are just going to the zoo! We got through the tantrum, but the why question came up frequently and Ayden just could not shake the idea. I have to give him credit for being determined.
On Saturday, Tyler thought that if he discussed the whole Disney World process, Ayden would understand that it's not just a trip you go do, it has to be planned. Well this obviously lit a fire under Ayden because after lunch Ayden asked, "How many more minutes until we go to Disney World?" Literally my eye is still twitching from this because Tyler made the situation worse. Now Ayden has specific things about Disney World to talk about, which just keeps these questions going and driving me to the brink of insanity.
I just love that Ayden is inquisitive and he wants to know things, but geesh child let go of Disney World for a bit. Although I have to be careful what I wish for because on Saturday we did have a tantrum because it isn't time to make Christmas cookies. We also lost our minds over when Halloween is and when it was time to go pick apples.
In all reality Ayden is just struggling with the concept of time, but with all his questions it is getting a little annoying. I really don't remember going through this with Audrey. I do remember having these conversations of when things were going to happen, but not to this degree. I remember the why questions, but the craziness that Ayden brings to the table with his questions does keep me on my feet, however my wine consumption has increased.
Therefore, if you see me around with that look of despair in my eyes, you can pretty much guess I have been asked about Disney World and I am just counting down the minutes until we go as well because I just want this question to stop!
Last Thursday Ayden found the Disney World planning DVD. It has a little catalog and a DVD that they kids watched last year about the park. If you haven't caught on by now the Evans' family is a planning family so we like to make sure we have all our options covered before jumping into a big purchase or planning a vacation. So the kid found the DVD and has done nothing but talk about Disney World. Friday we threw an epic tantrum because we couldn't go to Disney World tomorrow. Seriously child it's not like we can just go, it's not like we are just going to the zoo! We got through the tantrum, but the why question came up frequently and Ayden just could not shake the idea. I have to give him credit for being determined.
On Saturday, Tyler thought that if he discussed the whole Disney World process, Ayden would understand that it's not just a trip you go do, it has to be planned. Well this obviously lit a fire under Ayden because after lunch Ayden asked, "How many more minutes until we go to Disney World?" Literally my eye is still twitching from this because Tyler made the situation worse. Now Ayden has specific things about Disney World to talk about, which just keeps these questions going and driving me to the brink of insanity.
I just love that Ayden is inquisitive and he wants to know things, but geesh child let go of Disney World for a bit. Although I have to be careful what I wish for because on Saturday we did have a tantrum because it isn't time to make Christmas cookies. We also lost our minds over when Halloween is and when it was time to go pick apples.
In all reality Ayden is just struggling with the concept of time, but with all his questions it is getting a little annoying. I really don't remember going through this with Audrey. I do remember having these conversations of when things were going to happen, but not to this degree. I remember the why questions, but the craziness that Ayden brings to the table with his questions does keep me on my feet, however my wine consumption has increased.
Therefore, if you see me around with that look of despair in my eyes, you can pretty much guess I have been asked about Disney World and I am just counting down the minutes until we go as well because I just want this question to stop!
Friday, August 14, 2015
330 am Spiders
Well this post comes to you from a very early morning. Early as it is about 4 am. I was awoken this fine morning because of a spider. Now this spider was not in our house but in Audrey's dream. She came to tell me she dreamt about a spider and it "freaked her out!" In my half awake stupor I went to her room to prove to her there was no spider. By proof I mean i pulled back covers and rolled around in her bed. Probably not the most rational way to go about it, but when you are half awake most people don't always have the best rational thought. I put her back in her bed, kissed her good night, and went back to bed. I was surprised on how easy that was, and hoped I could fall asleep before the alarm went off. As I was just drifting off to sleep, I could hear the steps of Audrey creeping back into our room, but she would stop. I know she was staring to see if I was awake, which creeps me out even more because staring, little humans in the middle of the night by your bedside is just eerie. She finally got enough courage to ask what I knew she was thinking, and that was if she could have my spot of the bed. At this stage in the game I just walked out of the room, gave in to the 5 year old, and sought slumber in the guest bedroom.
Unfortunately in the spare bedroom was the cat because she had been kicked out of our room because she got a second wind at 930 pm and was running around the house like a lunatic. However she must have felt the need to reconcile because she was purring super loud and was laying on top of me craving attention. Obviously cats cannot tell time, but I will remember this when she is sweetly slumbering on the bed this afternoon and will sick the little humans on her to disturb her. After Aurora the cat finally stopped her crave for attention I realized I another hour before the alarm would go off, and then the hooting began. The mysterious owl that likes to hang out in our neighborhood, which I don't mind because I am sure it is grabbing all those mice that attempt to get in my house, but boy it was loud. The hooting continued for five minutes and I decided I would just get up.
I grabbed my workout clothes, put in my contacts, and began my day. I wandered to the couch with the computer to write quick post and then begin my workout. In the grand scheme of things I am getting the things I wanted to do, however I could have used that extra couple hours of sleep. Today shall be interesting. I am going to have to attempt to sneak in a nap before the kids wake up or add a few cups of coffee to my day. Here is to hoping everyone makes it through the day with this tired momma!
Unfortunately in the spare bedroom was the cat because she had been kicked out of our room because she got a second wind at 930 pm and was running around the house like a lunatic. However she must have felt the need to reconcile because she was purring super loud and was laying on top of me craving attention. Obviously cats cannot tell time, but I will remember this when she is sweetly slumbering on the bed this afternoon and will sick the little humans on her to disturb her. After Aurora the cat finally stopped her crave for attention I realized I another hour before the alarm would go off, and then the hooting began. The mysterious owl that likes to hang out in our neighborhood, which I don't mind because I am sure it is grabbing all those mice that attempt to get in my house, but boy it was loud. The hooting continued for five minutes and I decided I would just get up.
I grabbed my workout clothes, put in my contacts, and began my day. I wandered to the couch with the computer to write quick post and then begin my workout. In the grand scheme of things I am getting the things I wanted to do, however I could have used that extra couple hours of sleep. Today shall be interesting. I am going to have to attempt to sneak in a nap before the kids wake up or add a few cups of coffee to my day. Here is to hoping everyone makes it through the day with this tired momma!
Thursday, August 13, 2015
Spiky Dinosaur Hair
The other day I realized Ayden was well overdue for a haircut. This kid's hair is thick and grows super fast, but because he is particular about where he gets his hair cut it wasn't until recently that it fit into our schedule. Ayden loves to go to places that will cut his hair while he sits in a Lightning McQueen race car and watches Paw Patrol.
I took the leap and told the gal to give him a back to school cut. I wanted his hair short because quite frankly I didn't want to come back for at least a month because at almost $18 a cut getting his haircut can be quite expensive, especially when he could literally go every other week! Seriously I was embarrassed on how long the kids hair was after she began shaving and cutting the hair. This child had at least one wig full of hair for a grown man. As the gal finished up she asked Ayden if he wanted gel put in his hair. Honestly he just agreed because he didn't want anyone to interrupt his Paw Patrol show. She was styling his hair with some spikes and she said she was giving him dinosaur spiky hair. He grinned from ear to ear. At that moment I thought it was because he was happy with is cut and style. Little did I know that that smile was that of a connection where he thought he could be a dinosaur. Oh the struggles over here.
For the remainder of the day Ayden growled, stomped, scratched, attacked, and unfortunately to me bit like a dinosaur. The kid literally went insane. I don't know what got into him, except maybe the gel leaked into his brain and caused him to be a dinosaur, but I was literally exhausted once my little dinosaur went to bed.
The next day his hair was flat and the dinosaur no longer existed, however his hair was super cute the way it was styled I thought I would like to continue the style, just minus using the words he looked like a dinosaur. We were at Target and I was going to grab some gel, when Ayden informed me that I should not buy the gel. I asked why and he informed me because he didn't know if we all could handle him being a dinosaur any more since he got into so much trouble the other day. Sigh...yes this came out of the threenager's mouth and I realized I was not going to buy gel. I guess this is one way to save money on hair products, just don't buy it. However I am wondering if I should find out the type of gel that was used the other day so I can contact the company to let them know they need to pt a warning label on it stating it may turn small children into dinosaurs?
I took the leap and told the gal to give him a back to school cut. I wanted his hair short because quite frankly I didn't want to come back for at least a month because at almost $18 a cut getting his haircut can be quite expensive, especially when he could literally go every other week! Seriously I was embarrassed on how long the kids hair was after she began shaving and cutting the hair. This child had at least one wig full of hair for a grown man. As the gal finished up she asked Ayden if he wanted gel put in his hair. Honestly he just agreed because he didn't want anyone to interrupt his Paw Patrol show. She was styling his hair with some spikes and she said she was giving him dinosaur spiky hair. He grinned from ear to ear. At that moment I thought it was because he was happy with is cut and style. Little did I know that that smile was that of a connection where he thought he could be a dinosaur. Oh the struggles over here.
For the remainder of the day Ayden growled, stomped, scratched, attacked, and unfortunately to me bit like a dinosaur. The kid literally went insane. I don't know what got into him, except maybe the gel leaked into his brain and caused him to be a dinosaur, but I was literally exhausted once my little dinosaur went to bed.
The next day his hair was flat and the dinosaur no longer existed, however his hair was super cute the way it was styled I thought I would like to continue the style, just minus using the words he looked like a dinosaur. We were at Target and I was going to grab some gel, when Ayden informed me that I should not buy the gel. I asked why and he informed me because he didn't know if we all could handle him being a dinosaur any more since he got into so much trouble the other day. Sigh...yes this came out of the threenager's mouth and I realized I was not going to buy gel. I guess this is one way to save money on hair products, just don't buy it. However I am wondering if I should find out the type of gel that was used the other day so I can contact the company to let them know they need to pt a warning label on it stating it may turn small children into dinosaurs?
Wednesday, August 12, 2015
The Power Struggle
It always amazes me how quickly a tantrum or emotional breakdown can occur in our household. There are moments where I have found myself just shaking my head in absolute confusion lately when my children literally have become a scene from the Exorcist and I literally think their heads have spun around. It's like one moment we are happy and singing, and then someone looks says something or does something to set the moody child off and we are done. Like no way to calm the kiddo down except for letting them rant it off in their room. I attempted the whole listen to find out what is wrong, but I have come to the conclusion that when that craziness comes out I have to let them work it out and then when they want to talk I will listen when I am not being yelled at or told that I am the meanest mom ever. (I've won that award by the way as I hear it EVERY DAY!)
I have to say that I think all this chaos and roller coaster of emotions has to stem from the big changes that will happen soon. Lets think about it, Audrey will be going to school and Ayden will lose his daily playmate, and once September hits, Ayden will be starting preschool himself. I want to believe that this is what is going on because I would hate to think my kids are becoming monsters, but that is always a slight possibility.
We are all trying to find our spot on the totem pole in this house right now, and I totally feel for Tyler, because currently there are three of us competing for the top. Unfortunately lately I feel like I am not winning at all. With Ayden going through his threenager year and Audrey attempting to always be the boss, I often wonder if I will ever make it back on top. There are days where I feel I might just make it there and that we are all comfortable in where we are on that totem pole, and then there are days like today where I literally just want to grab Tyler, sit on the deck with a bottle of wine, and let the kids work it out themselves. Don't worry that never happens because I attempted it the other day and well they followed us to the deck because they cannot be away from us for too long.
So today as we get off to a rocky start because Audrey attempted to convince Ayden that she was going to starve if she didn't get any of his cereal (she already ate a large breakfast but did not want him to have as much of her cereal as he did), I realize that I am in a huge battle of power. I probably will not win, but I have an excuse, I live with two strong willed children, one on a power trip of wanting to be in charge of everything and a threenager. With that being said, I know I am not the only one in the same boat, so I pray for you all going through the same thing. I pray that your sanity remains and that your glass of wine does not run dry:)
I have to say that I think all this chaos and roller coaster of emotions has to stem from the big changes that will happen soon. Lets think about it, Audrey will be going to school and Ayden will lose his daily playmate, and once September hits, Ayden will be starting preschool himself. I want to believe that this is what is going on because I would hate to think my kids are becoming monsters, but that is always a slight possibility.
We are all trying to find our spot on the totem pole in this house right now, and I totally feel for Tyler, because currently there are three of us competing for the top. Unfortunately lately I feel like I am not winning at all. With Ayden going through his threenager year and Audrey attempting to always be the boss, I often wonder if I will ever make it back on top. There are days where I feel I might just make it there and that we are all comfortable in where we are on that totem pole, and then there are days like today where I literally just want to grab Tyler, sit on the deck with a bottle of wine, and let the kids work it out themselves. Don't worry that never happens because I attempted it the other day and well they followed us to the deck because they cannot be away from us for too long.
So today as we get off to a rocky start because Audrey attempted to convince Ayden that she was going to starve if she didn't get any of his cereal (she already ate a large breakfast but did not want him to have as much of her cereal as he did), I realize that I am in a huge battle of power. I probably will not win, but I have an excuse, I live with two strong willed children, one on a power trip of wanting to be in charge of everything and a threenager. With that being said, I know I am not the only one in the same boat, so I pray for you all going through the same thing. I pray that your sanity remains and that your glass of wine does not run dry:)
Tuesday, August 11, 2015
Sleeping In
Oh my! I think it has been months since I have clicked onto my blog to create a new post. I have so much up in this head of mine that it is scary, but I just feel that I have no time to do everything I want. Ugh...that seems to be a common trend in my life. I will make time to post though, I just need to get a few more things done.
The crazy thing is I have quite a few comical stories to tell you all, but right now I am perplexed. My children have not been sleeping in since we have returned from our Michigan trip at the end of July. They have been awaking at 630-645 and I just thought it was them in their own way getting ready for the school year to begin. Although it ate into my "mommy quiet time", I thought hey this will only make the school year schedule that much easier. Well here it is 715 and my children are still sleeping, and get this I have to get Audrey to the physical therapist's office by 815. This is my life people, and I am sure many of you with your own little humans share this struggle as well. The one day you have to get up and moving early, the kids decide to sleep in. Now I am loving the fact that I can sneak in a quick post after I have worked out and showered, but now I think of what is to come of our day.
I can guarantee we will be running around like chickens with our heads cut off, shoving food into everyone's mouths to then having me yell at the kids to go faster and get in the car. I am sure someone will forget a shoe or underwear and it will just add to the chaos that is always crashing around me. I laugh now because there have been many days that I get to our destination after rushing the kids out the door and the things we forget to do are embarrassing, but funny once I finally get home. There have been many days brushing hair or teeth have been forgotten in rush, and even the occasional I forgot to put on underwear incident. (Don't worry, it wasn't me who forgot!) But seriously who forgets to put on underwear? I guess the same child that forgets to take off underwear when she puts on a bathing suit or puts it on over her pants when she is so engrossed in watching her brother act like a crazy fool.
With all that being said I have given up on trying to figure things out because the more and more Tyler analyze things that are happening around us, the crazier we feel. So go ahead and sleep for another 15 minutes little humans and I will attempt to not lose my sanity as we rush everyone out the door to make this appointment. I guess the smart thing would be to pack breakfast for the kids rather than typing away my thoughts, but you know if things are going to be crazy and rushed, I mine as well continue to add to the chaos as well!
The crazy thing is I have quite a few comical stories to tell you all, but right now I am perplexed. My children have not been sleeping in since we have returned from our Michigan trip at the end of July. They have been awaking at 630-645 and I just thought it was them in their own way getting ready for the school year to begin. Although it ate into my "mommy quiet time", I thought hey this will only make the school year schedule that much easier. Well here it is 715 and my children are still sleeping, and get this I have to get Audrey to the physical therapist's office by 815. This is my life people, and I am sure many of you with your own little humans share this struggle as well. The one day you have to get up and moving early, the kids decide to sleep in. Now I am loving the fact that I can sneak in a quick post after I have worked out and showered, but now I think of what is to come of our day.
I can guarantee we will be running around like chickens with our heads cut off, shoving food into everyone's mouths to then having me yell at the kids to go faster and get in the car. I am sure someone will forget a shoe or underwear and it will just add to the chaos that is always crashing around me. I laugh now because there have been many days that I get to our destination after rushing the kids out the door and the things we forget to do are embarrassing, but funny once I finally get home. There have been many days brushing hair or teeth have been forgotten in rush, and even the occasional I forgot to put on underwear incident. (Don't worry, it wasn't me who forgot!) But seriously who forgets to put on underwear? I guess the same child that forgets to take off underwear when she puts on a bathing suit or puts it on over her pants when she is so engrossed in watching her brother act like a crazy fool.
With all that being said I have given up on trying to figure things out because the more and more Tyler analyze things that are happening around us, the crazier we feel. So go ahead and sleep for another 15 minutes little humans and I will attempt to not lose my sanity as we rush everyone out the door to make this appointment. I guess the smart thing would be to pack breakfast for the kids rather than typing away my thoughts, but you know if things are going to be crazy and rushed, I mine as well continue to add to the chaos as well!
Tuesday, June 16, 2015
Calm and Quiet? Not for long....
This morning I am actually typing up a post with a cup of coffee, in a quiet house, after a good 40 minute jaunt on the treadmill. I am trying to give myself props for all this because I know in about a half hour everything will change as the kids wake up and we do the mad rush to swim lessons. When we are having our ultimate meltdowns and the chaos is happening around me, I need to remember this moment that I am enjoying right now...make it my happy place! Is that sad that I have to reflect upon my quiet, alone time as my happy place while my children are awake creating chaos? I sure do hope there are other mommas out there that feels this way because I am beginning to worry.
I think my major issue right now is that I feel that I have so much to do in such little time. I probably should get over that because we all have things to do and places to be, but we can't do it all. For those of you who can, BRAVO, I commend you on your hard work and dedication. I too used to be that way, but then I became a stay at home mom and well my perspective and motivation changed. It has taken me about 2 years to have those perspectives change, but they have. I mean I still fight with the crazy moments of having a destroyed house drive me batty, but I also have come to the conclusion that after the kids are in bed going downstairs to mop the floor is not as much as a priority as me grabbing a book and passing out. Funny how staying with little humans can do that to you!
Over the past month or so I have realized that I really should celebrate the little things because in all reality those little things become big things when it comes to accomplishments. I am not going to get all philosophical or anything, but I do have to try to remember this and put this into perspective. So there you have it, I am a calm and collective woman right now, but give me a half hour and I am sure I will belong to the hot mess club as I try and get kids to and from places and work through the to-do list. However I think I need to remember I won't be alone. There will be other folks out there running around like a chicken with their heads cut off, and the motivation that gets me through all this is that there is always a glass of wine waiting for me as therapy!
Have a fabulous day friends!
I think my major issue right now is that I feel that I have so much to do in such little time. I probably should get over that because we all have things to do and places to be, but we can't do it all. For those of you who can, BRAVO, I commend you on your hard work and dedication. I too used to be that way, but then I became a stay at home mom and well my perspective and motivation changed. It has taken me about 2 years to have those perspectives change, but they have. I mean I still fight with the crazy moments of having a destroyed house drive me batty, but I also have come to the conclusion that after the kids are in bed going downstairs to mop the floor is not as much as a priority as me grabbing a book and passing out. Funny how staying with little humans can do that to you!
Over the past month or so I have realized that I really should celebrate the little things because in all reality those little things become big things when it comes to accomplishments. I am not going to get all philosophical or anything, but I do have to try to remember this and put this into perspective. So there you have it, I am a calm and collective woman right now, but give me a half hour and I am sure I will belong to the hot mess club as I try and get kids to and from places and work through the to-do list. However I think I need to remember I won't be alone. There will be other folks out there running around like a chicken with their heads cut off, and the motivation that gets me through all this is that there is always a glass of wine waiting for me as therapy!
Have a fabulous day friends!
Monday, June 15, 2015
So Much Stuff
Dear Readers,
I am going though a crisis over here at my house. I feel like we have too much stuff! Anyone else out there feel that way? I mean I feel like my house is cluttered even after I clean it. I have even gotten to that crazy point where I am reading a Japanese book on how to declutter my house and life. Seriously why do I have to overanalyze and be this crazy person?
Regardless of how I react to our over abundance of stuff, I have come to the conclusion that I have gotten us to this point in our lives. It's not like the kids are buying the stuff, it is me and I have to stop! Currently I am staring at my kids running around the house with string that is wrapped around my poor cat and they are running through an obstacle course of centers my daughter has set up for her imaginative preschool class. Where did this stuff come from? And here is a bigger issue I have every time I talk about maybe giving away something away Ayden goes crazy and starts playing with the things we haven't used in months.
Maybe I just need to throw things away and not look back. It is hard though because what if we need it later? (Won't be needing the shape sorter, so I should let it go right?)
I probably need to finish this book I am reading before I completely purge and heaven forgive me if Tyler doesn't read this because I am sure he is just waiting for me to go crazy one day and throw everything away. (News flash he has more stuff than I do!) I am kinda at that point too, so maybe it is a good thing we are leaving for Michigan in a couple weeks.
But here is what I am going to do for a temporary solution for my constant need for de-cluttering. First I am going to find the toys that my kids have grown out of and attempt to sell them because do we really need the stand up music toy that they kids still play with but obviously not in the most appropriate way. I mean come on, Ayden does not need a toy that he can play music with from his bum because that is what he is doing with the music table! I then need to get the kids involved. We have toys, books, and stuffed animals in abundance! I need them to choose a tote full that we can take to our cottage in Michigan because lets face it I don't need to buy anything there!
Then I really need to do some work with self control when it comes to birthdays and holidays because lets face it that is when these kids accumulate so much stuff and I think it is time we really focused on quality verse quantity.
There you have it, I am a stressed out mess because I have too much stuff! I am not a candidate for hoarders yet, but I think if we don't get a handle on this situation we may be. So even though I want to tell you all that read that I have been busy purging, that would be a lie, but I do think my stress level does have a direct correlation with the clutter going on in this house. I let you know if I find the secret to getting this crazy under control, but until then if you have suggestions, feel free to share.
Yours truly,
The stressed-out, cluttered momma
I am going though a crisis over here at my house. I feel like we have too much stuff! Anyone else out there feel that way? I mean I feel like my house is cluttered even after I clean it. I have even gotten to that crazy point where I am reading a Japanese book on how to declutter my house and life. Seriously why do I have to overanalyze and be this crazy person?
Regardless of how I react to our over abundance of stuff, I have come to the conclusion that I have gotten us to this point in our lives. It's not like the kids are buying the stuff, it is me and I have to stop! Currently I am staring at my kids running around the house with string that is wrapped around my poor cat and they are running through an obstacle course of centers my daughter has set up for her imaginative preschool class. Where did this stuff come from? And here is a bigger issue I have every time I talk about maybe giving away something away Ayden goes crazy and starts playing with the things we haven't used in months.
Maybe I just need to throw things away and not look back. It is hard though because what if we need it later? (Won't be needing the shape sorter, so I should let it go right?)
I probably need to finish this book I am reading before I completely purge and heaven forgive me if Tyler doesn't read this because I am sure he is just waiting for me to go crazy one day and throw everything away. (News flash he has more stuff than I do!) I am kinda at that point too, so maybe it is a good thing we are leaving for Michigan in a couple weeks.
But here is what I am going to do for a temporary solution for my constant need for de-cluttering. First I am going to find the toys that my kids have grown out of and attempt to sell them because do we really need the stand up music toy that they kids still play with but obviously not in the most appropriate way. I mean come on, Ayden does not need a toy that he can play music with from his bum because that is what he is doing with the music table! I then need to get the kids involved. We have toys, books, and stuffed animals in abundance! I need them to choose a tote full that we can take to our cottage in Michigan because lets face it I don't need to buy anything there!
Then I really need to do some work with self control when it comes to birthdays and holidays because lets face it that is when these kids accumulate so much stuff and I think it is time we really focused on quality verse quantity.
There you have it, I am a stressed out mess because I have too much stuff! I am not a candidate for hoarders yet, but I think if we don't get a handle on this situation we may be. So even though I want to tell you all that read that I have been busy purging, that would be a lie, but I do think my stress level does have a direct correlation with the clutter going on in this house. I let you know if I find the secret to getting this crazy under control, but until then if you have suggestions, feel free to share.
Yours truly,
The stressed-out, cluttered momma
Tuesday, June 9, 2015
Out of the Mouth of Babes
Ayden is three and he is your typical threenager. We are ornery, moody, and really want to do everything by ourselves! However I have noticed that his vocabulary increases daily and he is going to be a talker just like his sister. He even has mastered the polite way to interrupt you by screaming, "Excuse me!" at the top of his lungs. Probably not the most tactful way, but he's learning right?
Recently Ayden has begun finding his own niche of making us laugh. The other day he yelled, "Oh (blank)!" I say blank because I couldn't make out the word, but it sound like he said, "Oh dammit!" This kinda set me over the edge and I freaked out and said he should never say that again. Of course he had tears streaming down his face because I had scolded him, but he got it together and asked why he couldn't say, "Oh (blank)!" I finally listened hard to try to figure out what he was really saying and come to find out it wasn't, "Oh dammit!", but "Oh Woolly Mammoth!" Now why he chose to say that is beyond me, but it got me thinking that I really need to stop and listen.
I need to listen to the conversations my children are having. Enjoy their imaginative play and stories. Listen or rather reflect upon the conversations Tyler and I have around our children to see what we may have influenced them with. They are always listening and you know what I probably could learn a little from that feature they possess. Listening has a lot more learning to go with it than just jumping to conclusions on what I think I heard. We all make mistakes, but I could have prevented my mistake if I would have just taken the time to listen, rather be reactionary in what I thought I heard Ayden say.
With all that being said, I think I am going to get ready for the day and set myself with the goal to just listen.
Wednesday, June 3, 2015
Alone Time
Well I have come to the conclusion that I really do like my alone time. I mean who doesn't just need that little bit of time where no one needs you and there needs to be nothing done? As a mom, I feel like I never have that time, and I am not a very nice person if I do not get some alone time. The hardest part though is trying to find that alone time without having to rush the kids and husband out the door. My conclusion is that I function better as a mom and a person if I can just get that half hour of drinking coffee and taking it all in by myself. However that means I need to be waking up about an hour before the kiddos.
On Monday I got up at 4:30 because I was awoken by Ayden who needed to use the bathroom, and I figured I would run on the treadmill and catch up on some tv. I actually should have just gone to the gym for a class, but I figured if I was working out at home it would be just as good. I stayed on the treadmill for about 50 minutes and then showered without having to worry about a crisis that would occur. It was fabulous. I then decided I would enjoy a cup of coffee on the deck. This morning just started out great and you know what? I was actually able to be a better mom for the kids. I wasn't all high strung and flying off the handle like I normally am. I think I had a few crazy mom moments, but I think it had to do with Ayden acting like a chicken and Audrey having melt downs because she wasn't getting her way.
Now I have to make that commitment for myself to wake up by 6 am to enjoy my special quiet time. I really think that if I make this commitment that life may be a little easier in the Evans' household. Now don't get me wrong...we are going to have our days, but I think I need to start being selfish and find time for me. I mean honestly it shouldn't be seen as selfish, but rather an investment in myself so that I can be the better mom and wife.
Today is Wednesday, and I wasn't able to get that quiet time and with the rainy day that is surrounding us I can already tell how my special quiet time could have benefited us all today. But tomorrow is a new day, so lets hope that I can get in that quiet time and then we will have a fabulous Thursday!
On Monday I got up at 4:30 because I was awoken by Ayden who needed to use the bathroom, and I figured I would run on the treadmill and catch up on some tv. I actually should have just gone to the gym for a class, but I figured if I was working out at home it would be just as good. I stayed on the treadmill for about 50 minutes and then showered without having to worry about a crisis that would occur. It was fabulous. I then decided I would enjoy a cup of coffee on the deck. This morning just started out great and you know what? I was actually able to be a better mom for the kids. I wasn't all high strung and flying off the handle like I normally am. I think I had a few crazy mom moments, but I think it had to do with Ayden acting like a chicken and Audrey having melt downs because she wasn't getting her way.
Now I have to make that commitment for myself to wake up by 6 am to enjoy my special quiet time. I really think that if I make this commitment that life may be a little easier in the Evans' household. Now don't get me wrong...we are going to have our days, but I think I need to start being selfish and find time for me. I mean honestly it shouldn't be seen as selfish, but rather an investment in myself so that I can be the better mom and wife.
Today is Wednesday, and I wasn't able to get that quiet time and with the rainy day that is surrounding us I can already tell how my special quiet time could have benefited us all today. But tomorrow is a new day, so lets hope that I can get in that quiet time and then we will have a fabulous Thursday!
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
Audrey's Perspective
I tell you what, things out of the mouth of babes!
I found this post on Facebook the other day and thought it would be a great way to get some insight on what Audrey really thinks about me. From these questions, I am a lot younger than I thought, I watch a lot of tv, and I get mad when she doesn't do good things. My favorite response is my height....you're like this tall, you know 18%! I really do promise I don't watch that much tv:)
WITHOUT ANY prompting, ask your child these questions and write down EXACTLY what they say. It is a great way to find out what they really think. When you re-post put your Child's age.
Audrey - 4
1. What is something mom always says to you? You get in your room
2. What makes mom happy? By doing good things
3. What makes mom sad? When we don't listen
4. How does your mom make you laugh? By saying Knock Knock jokes
5. What was your mom like as a child? Nice to her mom and dad
6. How old is your mom? 13? 17? 18?
7. How tall is your mom? You're like this tall (hand gesturing), like 18% I think.
8. What is her favorite thing to do? Watch TV
9. What does your mom do when you're not around? Watch tv in her room
10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for? I don't know
11. What is your mom really good at? Tracing lines
12. What is your mom not very good at? Writing white lines
13. What does your mom do for a job? Sells Jamberry
14.What is your mom's favorite food? Oatmeal bars
15.What makes you proud of your mom? That you watch me play things
16. If your mom were a character, who would she be? Ariel
17. What do you and your mom do together? Go to the forest and all that stuff
18. How are you and your mom the same? We both have brown hair
19. How are you and your mom different? We have different voices
20. How do you know your mom loves you? Because I am the best child ever
21. What does your mom like most about your dad? When he helps her do chores
22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go? Old Chicago's
23. How old was your Mom when you were born? 13 or 17?
I found this post on Facebook the other day and thought it would be a great way to get some insight on what Audrey really thinks about me. From these questions, I am a lot younger than I thought, I watch a lot of tv, and I get mad when she doesn't do good things. My favorite response is my height....you're like this tall, you know 18%! I really do promise I don't watch that much tv:)
WITHOUT ANY prompting, ask your child these questions and write down EXACTLY what they say. It is a great way to find out what they really think. When you re-post put your Child's age.
Audrey - 4
1. What is something mom always says to you? You get in your room
2. What makes mom happy? By doing good things
3. What makes mom sad? When we don't listen
4. How does your mom make you laugh? By saying Knock Knock jokes
5. What was your mom like as a child? Nice to her mom and dad
6. How old is your mom? 13? 17? 18?
7. How tall is your mom? You're like this tall (hand gesturing), like 18% I think.
8. What is her favorite thing to do? Watch TV
9. What does your mom do when you're not around? Watch tv in her room
10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for? I don't know
11. What is your mom really good at? Tracing lines
12. What is your mom not very good at? Writing white lines
13. What does your mom do for a job? Sells Jamberry
14.What is your mom's favorite food? Oatmeal bars
15.What makes you proud of your mom? That you watch me play things
16. If your mom were a character, who would she be? Ariel
17. What do you and your mom do together? Go to the forest and all that stuff
18. How are you and your mom the same? We both have brown hair
19. How are you and your mom different? We have different voices
20. How do you know your mom loves you? Because I am the best child ever
21. What does your mom like most about your dad? When he helps her do chores
22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go? Old Chicago's
23. How old was your Mom when you were born? 13 or 17?
Monday, June 1, 2015
Getting Back on Track
Okay so I have heard from a few of you with concern because I haven't blogged. Now this comes with a double edge sword my friends because I first initially think yeah people do read what I write, and then I think oh man I better keep up with my end of the deal and write for people to read. The struggles here are real:)
I really feel that I have not been able to get a hold on things. I feel I get control and maybe a routine going with one thing and then I lose control of another. Ever feel that way? I know I cannot do it all, but darn it I am going to try my best to do it and in the process probably burn myself out unfortunately.
With Audrey out of school, I really have focused on trying to keep a schedule and plan different activities for the week. We did pretty good with following our schedule last week, but then I fell behind on doing a daily chore and like a crazy women tried to catch up on cleaning this weekend. I had some success, but my whole main level is a hot mess. So if you come over in the next day or so, I apologize now. I am not sure how a small cat can shed giant tuffs of hair or kinetic sand can be all over my floor when it is stored in a rubber maid container that hasn't been opened in days, but you'll find that stuff on my floor, along with random food that my son will pick up and eat when he feels at liberty to do so. This all on my floor even after I swept once already this weekend.
Then this whole blogging thing. I purposely built quiet time in our daily routine so that I could blog, but for some reason we haven't gotten to quiet time. Or if we do, it is when I am folding the laundry that seems to multiply when I am not looking. After we do the great fiasco of putting the kids to bed, the last thing I want to do is sit in front of the computer and type about the daily shenanigans because well those shenanigans kicked my butt and I just need a glass of wine and a good book. So there you have it, I haven't blogged because I am lazy and tired.
This week though, I plan on blogging and sticking to my daily activity routine for the kids. We will see if I can balance both and maybe throw in some chores too.
I really feel that I have not been able to get a hold on things. I feel I get control and maybe a routine going with one thing and then I lose control of another. Ever feel that way? I know I cannot do it all, but darn it I am going to try my best to do it and in the process probably burn myself out unfortunately.
With Audrey out of school, I really have focused on trying to keep a schedule and plan different activities for the week. We did pretty good with following our schedule last week, but then I fell behind on doing a daily chore and like a crazy women tried to catch up on cleaning this weekend. I had some success, but my whole main level is a hot mess. So if you come over in the next day or so, I apologize now. I am not sure how a small cat can shed giant tuffs of hair or kinetic sand can be all over my floor when it is stored in a rubber maid container that hasn't been opened in days, but you'll find that stuff on my floor, along with random food that my son will pick up and eat when he feels at liberty to do so. This all on my floor even after I swept once already this weekend.
Then this whole blogging thing. I purposely built quiet time in our daily routine so that I could blog, but for some reason we haven't gotten to quiet time. Or if we do, it is when I am folding the laundry that seems to multiply when I am not looking. After we do the great fiasco of putting the kids to bed, the last thing I want to do is sit in front of the computer and type about the daily shenanigans because well those shenanigans kicked my butt and I just need a glass of wine and a good book. So there you have it, I haven't blogged because I am lazy and tired.
This week though, I plan on blogging and sticking to my daily activity routine for the kids. We will see if I can balance both and maybe throw in some chores too.
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
The Death of the Turtle Spoon
When I was younger there was a particular Corelle plate that I always had to eat on. It was my plate, and if anyone else ate off of that plate it would just frustrate me. To this day my parents have saved that plate and I have to have it to eat on when I am home. It does not even come close to matching any of my mom's new dishes, but it doesn't matter because they know what something simple means to me. I even get myself in a frenzy when we have family dinners and my brother takes the plate on purpose. He knows its my plate, but there is just something in the sibling rivalry game that makes him do it and gain an evil smile, even though it may make me whine.
Now my kids have become the same way with a turtle spoon as I was with my plate. I bought a few sets of silverware for the kids so that we weren't running out of forks and spoons for them. I think I had picked them up at Target in the dollar bin, and I had bought two sets of forks and spoons for each kid. No one was particular about what utensils they would use, but they knew who's were whose. However spoons and forks broke, and we started becoming particular of the ones we wanted and it no longer became that the turtle spoon and fork belongs to Ayden. It was like the turtle spoon became a Holy Grail. The kids would race and then it would end in tears for the one who did not get the ridiculous spoon. I secretly wished the spoon would just break, and unfortunately one day it did.
It was only about a week ago when the turtle spoon met its death. The kids were sad, but they handled it a lot better than I thought. I thought my prayers had been answered, but the fight for the turtle fork still occurs. However Ayden has changed things up a bit and uses a fork for everything. Eating yogurt with a fork is his favorite thing to do. He normally gets up before Audrey in the morning as well, so he eats his yogurt with his turtle spoon and feels he has won the entire situation. I am secretly wishing for the fork to meet its demise as well.
Monday, April 27, 2015
4:30 am and Food
This fine Monday morning I was awoken by the whimpers of Ayden. Initially I thought great he peed the bed because when you put a kiddo to bed with just underwear I think that is where moms minds wander to. I got up ready to to do the whole bed stripping thing, but to my surprise he had another problem. Ayden was hungry, and in particular he wanted strawberries to curb this hunger that awoke him from his slumber. Now I am all for getting a glass of water for the kids if they aren't feeling good, but I do not do snacks at 4:30 am. I told him in a couple hours he could have breakfast so he just needed to close his eyes. He was okay with this, and I crawled back in bed thinking I could at least get another hour of sleep.
I really thought Ayden may go back to sleep, but once Tyler got in the shower and began making morning noises, Ayden came racing into our room and crawled in bed with me. I don't mind the snuggles and knew I could hold him off in the bed until Tyler went downstairs, then it was his problem. Ayden got his strawberries and some blueberries too. His day was complete, however that darn pee thing snuck up on us because I guess he had an accident during breakfast. It must have been that hyper focused attitude that made him forget to use the bathroom before eating those strawberries.
So there is our morning so far and we haven't even made it to 7 am! Ayden is dressed for the day putting together puzzles and talking a lot. I have yet to get my coffee, but I think it may be a multiple cup day for me! :)
I really thought Ayden may go back to sleep, but once Tyler got in the shower and began making morning noises, Ayden came racing into our room and crawled in bed with me. I don't mind the snuggles and knew I could hold him off in the bed until Tyler went downstairs, then it was his problem. Ayden got his strawberries and some blueberries too. His day was complete, however that darn pee thing snuck up on us because I guess he had an accident during breakfast. It must have been that hyper focused attitude that made him forget to use the bathroom before eating those strawberries.
So there is our morning so far and we haven't even made it to 7 am! Ayden is dressed for the day putting together puzzles and talking a lot. I have yet to get my coffee, but I think it may be a multiple cup day for me! :)
Friday, April 24, 2015
What Do You Need?
Today is Friday, and although I am grateful for a new day I am feeling this day already and my babies have only been up for an hour. I hate days that have me thinking, "I cannot wait until the day is over," but that is what today is. Which brings me to my topic on needs. I continuously ask my children and husband what they need. Tyler does ask me often what I need, but I always respond that I just need to get through the day. Maybe if I truly thought about what I needed, I wouldn't be wishing away my days.
It may be a woman thing, mom thing, season of life thing, I don't know what it is but it is how I have been living my life lately, and honestly I am tired. See this whole thing requires change, and lets face it, change is hard and requires work and energy (in which I am lacking right now). However, something has to give. I am exhausted, which I know there are so many of you reading this that are too, but I am letting my exhaustion make me not be the best I was intended to be. I snap at my kids for doing silly kid things. It is really harmless things, but because I am tired it is annoying the crap out of me and I just don't want to see someone wear a blanket on their head and shake their booty for the 80 millionth time. Yet, isn't that my job? Shouldn't I be encouraging my children and fostering their ideas rather than telling them to knock it off before they get hurt? Or currently my children are eating breakfast and fighting over how the water got into Ayden's bedroom. Who cares how the water bottle got in the room, and why is this even a discussion while we are eating breakfast? It is just exhausting from the little human chaos, but instead of attempting to change the subject about something else, I sit here annoyed and tell them to stop talking, and then get mad when they don't. Because telling a 2 and 4 year old to stop talking is the most rational thing to do?
So there it is, I need to figure out what I need before I turn into a very crabby person on a nonstop basis. I am not sure what my first attempt is going to be to make the big change, but I know my first baby step is to take the kids to the Children's Museum before I drop Audrey off to preschool. They have been asking all week and there is no reason why I cannot deliver this request. In all reality this is not going to be what I need because right now a vacation away is what I truly think I need right now so that I can think with some clarity, but that is not happening anytime soon. Therefore I will keep my kids busy, which then will in return buy me some leverage this afternoon of quiet time in their room and I will steal away fifteen minutes of reading for me. Wish me luck!
It may be a woman thing, mom thing, season of life thing, I don't know what it is but it is how I have been living my life lately, and honestly I am tired. See this whole thing requires change, and lets face it, change is hard and requires work and energy (in which I am lacking right now). However, something has to give. I am exhausted, which I know there are so many of you reading this that are too, but I am letting my exhaustion make me not be the best I was intended to be. I snap at my kids for doing silly kid things. It is really harmless things, but because I am tired it is annoying the crap out of me and I just don't want to see someone wear a blanket on their head and shake their booty for the 80 millionth time. Yet, isn't that my job? Shouldn't I be encouraging my children and fostering their ideas rather than telling them to knock it off before they get hurt? Or currently my children are eating breakfast and fighting over how the water got into Ayden's bedroom. Who cares how the water bottle got in the room, and why is this even a discussion while we are eating breakfast? It is just exhausting from the little human chaos, but instead of attempting to change the subject about something else, I sit here annoyed and tell them to stop talking, and then get mad when they don't. Because telling a 2 and 4 year old to stop talking is the most rational thing to do?
So there it is, I need to figure out what I need before I turn into a very crabby person on a nonstop basis. I am not sure what my first attempt is going to be to make the big change, but I know my first baby step is to take the kids to the Children's Museum before I drop Audrey off to preschool. They have been asking all week and there is no reason why I cannot deliver this request. In all reality this is not going to be what I need because right now a vacation away is what I truly think I need right now so that I can think with some clarity, but that is not happening anytime soon. Therefore I will keep my kids busy, which then will in return buy me some leverage this afternoon of quiet time in their room and I will steal away fifteen minutes of reading for me. Wish me luck!
Thursday, April 23, 2015
The Great Belle Catastrophe
It was your average Wednesday, and I actually was making progress on the long to do list that I had. The kids were cooperating with everything and I really felt pretty good about myself. Seriously why don't I look for those signs. You know what I am talking about, the sign that things don't always go as planned so putting your guard down is never a good idea.
I had sent everyone upstairs because I wanted a few minutes of peace while I was wrapping up loading the dishwasher and guzzle the last of my coffee. The kids were running around upstairs, but I didn't really think anything of it because I went up to check on them and they were in Ayden's room playing cars. I took advantage of the fact they were having fun and grabbed some laundry and took it downstairs. This literally took five minutes, and the kids were still in Ayden's room.
I then decided it was time to get the kids clothes for the day together since neither of them wanted to pick out their outfits. I walked into Audrey's room first and smelled burning plastic. I immediately went to the vent to see what little person or plastic toy was heating up, but to my surprise there was nothing there. I began investigating and realized there was smoke coming from Audrey's little night lamp by her bed. I quickly turned off and unplugged the lamp, and yelled for Audrey to come explain herself.
This is when it gets a little quirky. Initially I yelled and asked how Belle got on top of the lamp in the first place. Audrey admitted that she put Belle on the lamp, but I was still confused why she needed to even turn on the lamp because we had turned it off when she woke up. She then informed me that Belle was showering and that is why the lamp was on (guess that represented turning the water on). After my observation of discovering Belle, I would have to say she was doing a great job shampooing her hair, although she may have suffered from a chemical burn, as you will see in the picture.
When Belle's hair finally cooled off I was able to pry her off the light bulb and then I took her to show Audrey the damage. I think Audrey was stunned at the damage of something so simple could do. We discussed how this could have turned out bad, and I am not sure if she processed it 100%, but she did have the entire day, except for preschool to think about it in her room. Before she went to preschool she did say how just reading books in her room wasn't fun and that maybe Belle should have not showered. Not sure if that was the exact response I wanted, but I hope we will not experience this again because my nerves are shot and our upstairs smells like burnt plastic.
Belle's hair is a little crispy, don't you think?
This is how I found Belle smoldering on the lightbulb.
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
To Where Pants or Not? That is the question.
Keeping clothing on my children is always a challenge. I understand they are free spirits, but seriously could you just put some pants on? I have grown used to the fact they just don't like wearing pants, but I do find that Tyler is alarmed at times that his kids are out of pants more than they are in them.
The other day I was speaking to one of my cousins and she had mentioned she had a friend coming over and she had texted her that she better put her pants on. I finally began thinking that maybe this pantless thing is genetic, although I do not run around without pants. I wear a lot of yoga pants, but I think if I ran around freely as my children did, my neighbors would complain.
When I ask my kids to put pants on they sigh and act like I asked them to do a million chores. I asked them why they don't want to put pants on they say because they just don't. Therefore I have come to the conclusion I am not going to try and figure it out. I am going to let them be happy because in all honesty I have bigger fish to fry! So if you see my kids without pants, don't waste your energy asking why, just come grab a glass of wine with me and just join my circus.
The other day I was speaking to one of my cousins and she had mentioned she had a friend coming over and she had texted her that she better put her pants on. I finally began thinking that maybe this pantless thing is genetic, although I do not run around without pants. I wear a lot of yoga pants, but I think if I ran around freely as my children did, my neighbors would complain.
When I ask my kids to put pants on they sigh and act like I asked them to do a million chores. I asked them why they don't want to put pants on they say because they just don't. Therefore I have come to the conclusion I am not going to try and figure it out. I am going to let them be happy because in all honesty I have bigger fish to fry! So if you see my kids without pants, don't waste your energy asking why, just come grab a glass of wine with me and just join my circus.
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
Deflated
Did you ever blow up a balloon, to then release the air and watch it travel around the room until the air is completely out? This is how I feel when I get my children ready to get out the door. Here is a typical Monday morning in the Evans house:
We typically are up by 7-7:30 and this gives us enough time to eat breakfast and get upstairs by 8 to get dressed. After I get the kids lined up with their outfits, I take advantage of a little extra time and complete getting ready. Audrey brushes her hair and teeth, and Ayden wiggles his way in the bathroom to brush teeth too. The kids even have a few minutes to play a random game that they have created and then it is time to go downstairs and head out the door. This is where the problem is. My kids know that to get ready they need to put on shoes and coats. Simple as that right? We have our shoes either in the shoe organizer or they left them in the garage and they both know this and where to look. But something happens when they come down the stairs and I say lets get ready to go. It is like a switch goes off and they forget everything that we have ever done to get ready to get out the door. Audrey gets distracted by a craft and Ayden is talking about how hungry he is. I have to bark orders to get the kids to even put on shoes. We get out the door and I open the garage door and it is like they forget they have to go to the car. I mean how else are we getting to the physical therapist's office, by plane or boat? The kids normally scatter down the driveway or get distracted by the toys in the garage. I have to holler at least two times to get the kids to focus and get into the car. I am sure my neighbors have heard me barking at my kids many mornings and by this point I know I am not winning a Mother of the Year award by telling them to get in the car. So I finally get them in the container and I think they know what to do at this point, but surprise, surprise they are distracted by the snack stash or a book they left in the car. At this point I am ready to blow because we are late because the five minutes I budgeted for getting shoes on has turned into at least ten. The kids begin the attempt to buckle their car seats, but once again Ayden thinks he is grown and struggles. I can only give him a few minutes to try it on his own when I have to get out of the car and buckle his bottom portion of the car seat. I am annoyed I have to get out of the car again and he is hysterically crying because he can do it, but obviously not fast enough for my "we're late" attitude. And then I began driving to the physical therapists office and I am exhausted. Exhausted from barking at my kids to get it together, and emotionally exhausted because I now have two sad children that feel like I have yelled at them for the past ten minutes (which I have). We woke up not even two hours before happy and enjoying our morning, and then I ruined it in a matter of ten minutes.
So back to this balloon. I seem to be the balloon every time we get ready to go somewhere. I am actually embarrassed as I type this that I am the balloon, but it is the truth. I am sure there are other parents who struggle with this same situation but I guess I really need to remember how little my kids are. It can only get better right?
Monday, April 20, 2015
Church
Wow...who would have thought that going to church would be such an ordeal? I guess I have to remember that I run a circus and that nothing is easy in our household, but Sunday was something I did not expect.
Lets back up to early Sunday morning. Ayden is currently fighting either a cold or allergies, and his cough when he awoke was a little alarming. He also awoke up crying for Tyler and told us he didn't feel good. Tyler and I made a decision that it would be wise to have him stay home from church, and you would have thought we asked Ayden to give up playing for the rest of his life. We had a discussion that Tyler would stay home with Ayden, and we moved on with our morning.
In Evans' fashion we all frantically rushed through our morning with baths and showers. It came time to get ready to walk out the door and Ayden began to lose his mind. Now when I take a flashback to my childhood, if my parents told me I could stay home from church with them, I would have been super excited. However with Ayden that was not the case.
Ayden went nuts. By nuts I mean he is walking down the steps in the garage to go to the car and Tyler had to snatch him up and bring him in the house. There was kicking and screaming and it broke my heart that he was that motivated to go to church. Of course I forgot my coffee in the house and had to sneak back in, but boy was Ayden putting up the ultimate fight. I got Audrey buckled in her car seat and then began to leave when I saw Ayden's last attempt to get to the car to go to church. He had gotten the front door open and was ready to make a break for it. Tyler had grabbed him, but in the process Ayden's foot was stuck in the door. Seriously this was a hot mess, and a few colorful words came out of my mouth. Why is he losing his mind? He gets extra Daddy time at home, this should be a win-win situation right? However Ayden had his mind set on going to church and there was no changing his mind. In the grand scheme of things this shows me that the kids will be capable of great things because his determination is amazing at age two!
After coming home from church, I did discover that Ayden did calm down after about a half hour. (Poor Tyler.) However I was told by Ayden that I needed to stay with him for the rest of the day. Little did the kiddo know I would be leaving around bed time for a meeting, but surprising since I left by myself he was okay with it. He was not going to miss out on anything that Audrey was going to do or miss out on church that he was determined to attend .
I am glad that my children enjoy going to church, but I am sure the members at the church are even more grateful that we kept the little germ human home.
Lets back up to early Sunday morning. Ayden is currently fighting either a cold or allergies, and his cough when he awoke was a little alarming. He also awoke up crying for Tyler and told us he didn't feel good. Tyler and I made a decision that it would be wise to have him stay home from church, and you would have thought we asked Ayden to give up playing for the rest of his life. We had a discussion that Tyler would stay home with Ayden, and we moved on with our morning.
In Evans' fashion we all frantically rushed through our morning with baths and showers. It came time to get ready to walk out the door and Ayden began to lose his mind. Now when I take a flashback to my childhood, if my parents told me I could stay home from church with them, I would have been super excited. However with Ayden that was not the case.
Ayden went nuts. By nuts I mean he is walking down the steps in the garage to go to the car and Tyler had to snatch him up and bring him in the house. There was kicking and screaming and it broke my heart that he was that motivated to go to church. Of course I forgot my coffee in the house and had to sneak back in, but boy was Ayden putting up the ultimate fight. I got Audrey buckled in her car seat and then began to leave when I saw Ayden's last attempt to get to the car to go to church. He had gotten the front door open and was ready to make a break for it. Tyler had grabbed him, but in the process Ayden's foot was stuck in the door. Seriously this was a hot mess, and a few colorful words came out of my mouth. Why is he losing his mind? He gets extra Daddy time at home, this should be a win-win situation right? However Ayden had his mind set on going to church and there was no changing his mind. In the grand scheme of things this shows me that the kids will be capable of great things because his determination is amazing at age two!
After coming home from church, I did discover that Ayden did calm down after about a half hour. (Poor Tyler.) However I was told by Ayden that I needed to stay with him for the rest of the day. Little did the kiddo know I would be leaving around bed time for a meeting, but surprising since I left by myself he was okay with it. He was not going to miss out on anything that Audrey was going to do or miss out on church that he was determined to attend .
I am glad that my children enjoy going to church, but I am sure the members at the church are even more grateful that we kept the little germ human home.
Wednesday, April 15, 2015
I hear the Vibration
Today I write with tired eyes, and for once it is not my kids or husband's fault. I know, shocker! Unfortunately it was my fault.
I always have my cell phone on vibrate, and normally I never hear the phone while I am sleeping but ever since I put on an older case on my phone you can hear it vibrate to China. With that all being said, at 4:30 am, the group text from last night's discussion on my grandmother's lipstick continued. I tried to ignore it but after over fourteen vibrations and lighting up the room, I gave in and got up to turn off the vibration on my phone off. But at this point Tyler was awake, and so was the cat.
I tried to fall back to sleep, but of course that did not happen. So here I am watching some trash TV, posting a blog, and awaiting the children to awake. I should have taken advantage of the early wake up call and worked out, but that is neither here or there.
I am always trying to find the silver lining, so I guess the silver lining is that I was able to get ready without rushing and get a load of laundry done before I have to run the kids around today. If you text or call me I apologize now because until I get a new case I will have the vibrate feature turned off on my phone, and I never have the volume on because I am too distracted by all the dings and bells. And if I don't see you in public, it is not because I am ignoring you, it is probably because I have not had enough caffeine.
I always have my cell phone on vibrate, and normally I never hear the phone while I am sleeping but ever since I put on an older case on my phone you can hear it vibrate to China. With that all being said, at 4:30 am, the group text from last night's discussion on my grandmother's lipstick continued. I tried to ignore it but after over fourteen vibrations and lighting up the room, I gave in and got up to turn off the vibration on my phone off. But at this point Tyler was awake, and so was the cat.
I tried to fall back to sleep, but of course that did not happen. So here I am watching some trash TV, posting a blog, and awaiting the children to awake. I should have taken advantage of the early wake up call and worked out, but that is neither here or there.
I am always trying to find the silver lining, so I guess the silver lining is that I was able to get ready without rushing and get a load of laundry done before I have to run the kids around today. If you text or call me I apologize now because until I get a new case I will have the vibrate feature turned off on my phone, and I never have the volume on because I am too distracted by all the dings and bells. And if I don't see you in public, it is not because I am ignoring you, it is probably because I have not had enough caffeine.
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
Tutus and Prioritites
Currently I should be making a tutu for Audrey's dance recital that is on Thursday, but instead I am watching Survivor on the DVR. This evening I spent twenty minutes scaring bugs off window screens and laying on children's floors, and then decided it was time for me to go work on the tutu. Guess what happened? Yes, TV and blogging took over. I have the elastic waistband ready to be sewn, and then I need to cut the tulle and begin working. I can knock this all out in an hour ( I hope), but I would rather just do something like watch TV so that I do not have to think much.
I am hoping that I can gain the motivation, but at this point tonight, it is not happening. I can only hope that I can work on the tutu tomorrow afternoon. I am sure I will have all sorts of helpful hands, which will make things even easier (insert sarcasm).
The thing is the stuff that needs to get done will get done. I can't keep stressing over the little details and chores. If I need a break, I am going to take it and just work harder the next day to get yesterday's jobs done. So if you see me out and about, don't ask me about the tutu. You are more than welcome to ask to see a picture of Audrey in her dance outfit on Friday, but until then, don't ask about the tutu.
I am hoping that I can gain the motivation, but at this point tonight, it is not happening. I can only hope that I can work on the tutu tomorrow afternoon. I am sure I will have all sorts of helpful hands, which will make things even easier (insert sarcasm).
The thing is the stuff that needs to get done will get done. I can't keep stressing over the little details and chores. If I need a break, I am going to take it and just work harder the next day to get yesterday's jobs done. So if you see me out and about, don't ask me about the tutu. You are more than welcome to ask to see a picture of Audrey in her dance outfit on Friday, but until then, don't ask about the tutu.
Monday, April 13, 2015
Time Zone Changes
We were fortunate to go to Oregon on a family vacation to visit Tyler's parents last week. Our visit was fantastic, but the once we got back home the kids struggled with bed time more than I want to admit. We have been struggling before we even left for the trip, but once we got home it began to become overwhelming. I was tired and of course the kids weren't. Seriously where did their energy come from because I needed to get me some of it. :)
I think as we start into a new week, we are on a schedule again. Not necessarily the schedule I may want, but it is what the kids need. I have also began using their coconut oil/lavendar lotion I have mixed up to help get them to calm down a bit. I am not sure if it is the lotion or if it is the new schedule, but they are at least going to their beds after stories. I may have to lay with them until they fall asleep, but that is minimal in terms of time, just kills my back to lay on the floor. The only issue we come into play with is that I lay in Ayden's room, and then Audrey needs me, or vice versa.
The whole purpose though is that time zones throw off the kids, but they are a lot more flexible than I have ever believed. I can't really complain though because with this new schedule the kids are sleeping in until 7-7:30, which is nice. If only I could just get myself to bed earlier so that I could wake up earlier and enjoy some time to workout and some peace. I can always have hopeful thinking right?
Here is to the schedule we have established so far to remain consistent and maybe some extra outside play time to get the bed time to go even smoother. One can wish right?
I think as we start into a new week, we are on a schedule again. Not necessarily the schedule I may want, but it is what the kids need. I have also began using their coconut oil/lavendar lotion I have mixed up to help get them to calm down a bit. I am not sure if it is the lotion or if it is the new schedule, but they are at least going to their beds after stories. I may have to lay with them until they fall asleep, but that is minimal in terms of time, just kills my back to lay on the floor. The only issue we come into play with is that I lay in Ayden's room, and then Audrey needs me, or vice versa.
The whole purpose though is that time zones throw off the kids, but they are a lot more flexible than I have ever believed. I can't really complain though because with this new schedule the kids are sleeping in until 7-7:30, which is nice. If only I could just get myself to bed earlier so that I could wake up earlier and enjoy some time to workout and some peace. I can always have hopeful thinking right?
Here is to the schedule we have established so far to remain consistent and maybe some extra outside play time to get the bed time to go even smoother. One can wish right?
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Easter Candy
Oh boy I am so glad that the Easter Candy is seasonal. I can normally get through all the holidays without caving until Easter time. Easter candy is my weakness, and I was actually at a point where I had cut out all sugar out of my diet and then the company Cadbury took over my will power!
I am not even sure why I enjoy Easter candy so much, but I tell you Starburst Jellybeans and Mini Eggs by Cadbury are like crack in my house. They kids totally take advantage of this too. They see mom sneaking candy because that is what I have to do or I am forced to share, and then they get this glazed over zombie look and beg for candy. Great...I have three crack, I mean candy, addicts in the house. Tyler, well I cannot even reference his love of sweets because the guy can have whatever sweet he likes and not gain anything so I am leaving him out for now.
The crazy thing is that I had basically gotten rid of all sugar out of my system and my skin was beginning to look fabulous, and my scalp issue was gone as well. Now my addiction of Easter candy is probably going to send me back to square one, but it is totally worth every piece. Eventually I won't be able to get this yummy goodness until next year and I will battle the temptations once again, but until then I will be hoarding my jellybeans and mini eggs and enjoying them for the rest of the week. Unfortunately I will then begin the sugar detox and workout routines hard core once we are back from our vacation, but until then I will just enjoy instead of feeling so guilty. Okay I may feel a little guilty if I eat an entire bag by myself, so maybe that is a sign that it is okay to share with my kiddos so I do not get to the eating an entire bag of jellybeans by myself stage. Thanks little humans!
I am not even sure why I enjoy Easter candy so much, but I tell you Starburst Jellybeans and Mini Eggs by Cadbury are like crack in my house. They kids totally take advantage of this too. They see mom sneaking candy because that is what I have to do or I am forced to share, and then they get this glazed over zombie look and beg for candy. Great...I have three crack, I mean candy, addicts in the house. Tyler, well I cannot even reference his love of sweets because the guy can have whatever sweet he likes and not gain anything so I am leaving him out for now.
The crazy thing is that I had basically gotten rid of all sugar out of my system and my skin was beginning to look fabulous, and my scalp issue was gone as well. Now my addiction of Easter candy is probably going to send me back to square one, but it is totally worth every piece. Eventually I won't be able to get this yummy goodness until next year and I will battle the temptations once again, but until then I will be hoarding my jellybeans and mini eggs and enjoying them for the rest of the week. Unfortunately I will then begin the sugar detox and workout routines hard core once we are back from our vacation, but until then I will just enjoy instead of feeling so guilty. Okay I may feel a little guilty if I eat an entire bag by myself, so maybe that is a sign that it is okay to share with my kiddos so I do not get to the eating an entire bag of jellybeans by myself stage. Thanks little humans!
Monday, March 30, 2015
Bed Time
Bed time is very routine at our house, and Tyler and I have worked very hard to keep things consistent and calm for the kiddos bedtime routine. Lately however I think bedtime routine has become chaos. The kids are in their beds after stories have been read and it is taking them longer and longer each evening to fall asleep. I am not sure if it is because we are not letting them fall asleep in our bed like we have done previously, well Audrey has not Ayden. Or if it is simply because the kids still are crazy due to the time change? Whatever the case may be it is exhausting and we are definitely at our whits end.
Not going to bed on time for the kiddos for some reason equals and early rise time as well. Then it is a viscous battle of not getting enough sleep. The kiddos then become cranky by about 6 pm, they throw epic tantrums and then they wind up by the time it is bed time. I am not sure why this happens with the kids, but I have seen that this is a common thing. It wouldn't be so bad if my kids still napped. The bed time would be pushed back and the early morning would continue, but they would at least get added sleep in the day to help with that brain development. Unfortunately that is not happening and we will continue to push through with this stage.
I do hope though that as the weather turns warmer and the kids get more fresh air than we get our routine back. Or maybe this is just how it is. Some parents have kiddos that still do not sleep through the night and they are school age. I guess I would prefer my "me" time to be interrupted so that I may sleep through the night, but it is so funny to me how quickly routines can be changed. We didn't change, but I guess the kids did.
Not only have they changed their bed time, but their behavior and ability to push the envelope is starting to arise. They are really trying to define who they are as individuals and it is a little exhausting as we try to redirect them in the appropriate direction. We will get through this just like we get through every other week and maybe one day we will look back upon this time and giggle at the chaos. However right now the tears and the kid chosen bed time needs to cease.
Not going to bed on time for the kiddos for some reason equals and early rise time as well. Then it is a viscous battle of not getting enough sleep. The kiddos then become cranky by about 6 pm, they throw epic tantrums and then they wind up by the time it is bed time. I am not sure why this happens with the kids, but I have seen that this is a common thing. It wouldn't be so bad if my kids still napped. The bed time would be pushed back and the early morning would continue, but they would at least get added sleep in the day to help with that brain development. Unfortunately that is not happening and we will continue to push through with this stage.
I do hope though that as the weather turns warmer and the kids get more fresh air than we get our routine back. Or maybe this is just how it is. Some parents have kiddos that still do not sleep through the night and they are school age. I guess I would prefer my "me" time to be interrupted so that I may sleep through the night, but it is so funny to me how quickly routines can be changed. We didn't change, but I guess the kids did.
Not only have they changed their bed time, but their behavior and ability to push the envelope is starting to arise. They are really trying to define who they are as individuals and it is a little exhausting as we try to redirect them in the appropriate direction. We will get through this just like we get through every other week and maybe one day we will look back upon this time and giggle at the chaos. However right now the tears and the kid chosen bed time needs to cease.
Friday, March 27, 2015
Yelling
Some days, okay lets be honest, most days I feel my words fall upon deaf ears in this house.
Earlier this evening Tyler and I were talking about how what we used to get reactions from in terms of our stern talking to is now falling upon deaf ears and we have had to take our talking to the next level, yelling. I know I hate to admit it, but we have become yellers. I sometimes feel I "bark" just as much as that stupid dog that is next door that barks all the time. No wonder my kids don't listen when all I do is holler and nag them. However I have to admit that since I have been so exhausted it is easier to "bark" than find the alternative solutions to redirect my kids. As I type this I do realize how ridiculous this sounds. I am complaining about how I yell, but then again I don't want to fester up energy to redirect. Sigh...this is an issue.
This is a start though because I am admitting it is an issue right? So what is it that I am going to do? Well for one I think we need to start taking away the novelties in our house. The kids need to go back to earning things rather than them just being given to them. I truly feel that sometimes we are getting on the kids for being ungrateful, but then again we are the problem because we are providing everything for them. Now it is our job as parents to provide certain things for the kids, but the extras, you know the screen time or the new book or toy, that stuff needs to stop.
I sometimes feel that since we can afford to provide these fun things for the kids that we should, but then I recall my childhood and how grateful we were for the little things. I want my children to have a sense of pride that they earn things and that the sense of entitlement needs to be wrestled in so that my kids actually appreciate things. Don't worry, I don't have complete spoiled brats and they do act grateful towards others gestures and gifts, but to their parents that is a different story. I also have to remember they are only 2 and 4, but boy I would like to get through a day when I am not nagging the kiddos or getting frustrated with them because they seem not to care.
So as you can see this is a problem we have and I don't think we are the only family out there dealing with this particular behavior. I have come to realize that this set back we are having right now is not something we can solve over night either. We will have to work hard, both the kids and parents to get to a point where we feel we need to be. It will definitely take patience and time, but we will get there. Until then I will be attempting to redirect as much as possible, but I can't guarantee I will be on my "A" game all the time. :)
Earlier this evening Tyler and I were talking about how what we used to get reactions from in terms of our stern talking to is now falling upon deaf ears and we have had to take our talking to the next level, yelling. I know I hate to admit it, but we have become yellers. I sometimes feel I "bark" just as much as that stupid dog that is next door that barks all the time. No wonder my kids don't listen when all I do is holler and nag them. However I have to admit that since I have been so exhausted it is easier to "bark" than find the alternative solutions to redirect my kids. As I type this I do realize how ridiculous this sounds. I am complaining about how I yell, but then again I don't want to fester up energy to redirect. Sigh...this is an issue.
This is a start though because I am admitting it is an issue right? So what is it that I am going to do? Well for one I think we need to start taking away the novelties in our house. The kids need to go back to earning things rather than them just being given to them. I truly feel that sometimes we are getting on the kids for being ungrateful, but then again we are the problem because we are providing everything for them. Now it is our job as parents to provide certain things for the kids, but the extras, you know the screen time or the new book or toy, that stuff needs to stop.
I sometimes feel that since we can afford to provide these fun things for the kids that we should, but then I recall my childhood and how grateful we were for the little things. I want my children to have a sense of pride that they earn things and that the sense of entitlement needs to be wrestled in so that my kids actually appreciate things. Don't worry, I don't have complete spoiled brats and they do act grateful towards others gestures and gifts, but to their parents that is a different story. I also have to remember they are only 2 and 4, but boy I would like to get through a day when I am not nagging the kiddos or getting frustrated with them because they seem not to care.
So as you can see this is a problem we have and I don't think we are the only family out there dealing with this particular behavior. I have come to realize that this set back we are having right now is not something we can solve over night either. We will have to work hard, both the kids and parents to get to a point where we feel we need to be. It will definitely take patience and time, but we will get there. Until then I will be attempting to redirect as much as possible, but I can't guarantee I will be on my "A" game all the time. :)
Thursday, March 26, 2015
Emotions
Ugh...the emotions are raw in the Evans house.
Now I thought it was just Audrey because she is probably the loudest in our house currently. This may be shocking to some of you who know me because I think I have met my match with this one. :) She is loud and everything is a big deal. We tell her to do something that she doesn't like, and well she verbalizes it and in her own four and a half year old way is telling us where to stick our words. I know it is just a phase, but we are trying our hardest to have her learn the boundaries and what is acceptable. It is draining, but it is our job. And after I am beginning to feel better from my terrible cold and Tyler recovers from his food poisoning, I have realized she hasn't been the only emotional one in the house.
I am afraid to admit it, but I have been quite the hot mess. It has a lot to do with lack of sleep and being sick, but boy as I reflect on what set me off the past couple days I have realized how emotional I am.
Now it may also be a little insecurity too. I have never been an insecure person, but when it comes to being a mom I think I probably may be very insecure. I feel I have people always judging and watching my every move on how I am going to handle the tantrum or the out of control toddler. It comes with the territory and that is okay, but what I notice is that I become insecure in other areas too. I read into emails and messages and begin to wonder what the underlying purpose is. My mind always goes to, "Am I not enough?" or "Am I really allowing myself to be perceived as that bad of a person who is complaining?" The thing is, maybe I am not enough or I am being perceived as a bad person, but you know what it doesn't really matter what others think. Even though it hurts sometimes, it truly doesn't matter. I only have one person that I need to turn to and have care about what is going on in my world. However when the emotions are raging it is hard to remember that.
I think I will prescribe myself some reading, lots of cuddles with my babies, and sleep!
Now I thought it was just Audrey because she is probably the loudest in our house currently. This may be shocking to some of you who know me because I think I have met my match with this one. :) She is loud and everything is a big deal. We tell her to do something that she doesn't like, and well she verbalizes it and in her own four and a half year old way is telling us where to stick our words. I know it is just a phase, but we are trying our hardest to have her learn the boundaries and what is acceptable. It is draining, but it is our job. And after I am beginning to feel better from my terrible cold and Tyler recovers from his food poisoning, I have realized she hasn't been the only emotional one in the house.
I am afraid to admit it, but I have been quite the hot mess. It has a lot to do with lack of sleep and being sick, but boy as I reflect on what set me off the past couple days I have realized how emotional I am.
Now it may also be a little insecurity too. I have never been an insecure person, but when it comes to being a mom I think I probably may be very insecure. I feel I have people always judging and watching my every move on how I am going to handle the tantrum or the out of control toddler. It comes with the territory and that is okay, but what I notice is that I become insecure in other areas too. I read into emails and messages and begin to wonder what the underlying purpose is. My mind always goes to, "Am I not enough?" or "Am I really allowing myself to be perceived as that bad of a person who is complaining?" The thing is, maybe I am not enough or I am being perceived as a bad person, but you know what it doesn't really matter what others think. Even though it hurts sometimes, it truly doesn't matter. I only have one person that I need to turn to and have care about what is going on in my world. However when the emotions are raging it is hard to remember that.
I think I will prescribe myself some reading, lots of cuddles with my babies, and sleep!
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
The Quiet House
It is late and I am still awake.
This rarely happens that I get out of the house and I come home and I am not completely exhausted. Normally I go to bed by 9 pm, and I am sure I will be needing a coffee IV tomorrow morning, but there is something bittersweet about a silent house. I love that no one is tugging at me asking me to play or for a snack. I mean the cat has obviously hunkered down for the night because she did not even greet me as I sit typing at the dining room table. The quiet is bliss and I am able to just be me.
So why am I writing about this anyway? The reason I have for writing is because I can. I am not being bothered by anyone and my thoughts are clear and you know what I cannot stop thinking about? I can't stop thinking about how much I want to talk to my family that is slumbering upstairs.
Seriously, what is wrong with me? I just typed an entire paragraph on how I enjoy the quiet and the ability to just be alone, and I am then completely doing a 180 and talking about how much I want to talk to the family. I don't know what it is, but I was only gone for three and a half hours and I missed my kids and Tyler so much. Maybe I need to get out more, but I even took the time to write notes to the kids and place them at their settings at the table. Have I become that crazy mom? Yes friends, I have, and I think that it is okay because I am starting to realize how blessed I truly am. Now that the fog of my sickness has begun to clear, I realize that without Tyler and the kids I used to be Lindsay. Now that I have everyone in my life I have become Audrey's mom, Ayden's mom, or Tyler's wife. I some days crave to be Lindsay without any responsibilities, but then again I realize what I have in front of me, and well even though the chaos can get loud and messy, I wouldn't trade it for the world!
And it is okay for you all to remind me of this post when I am pulling my hair out two days from now because I have lost sight of what I have to be blessed about. For now I will just be grateful:)
This rarely happens that I get out of the house and I come home and I am not completely exhausted. Normally I go to bed by 9 pm, and I am sure I will be needing a coffee IV tomorrow morning, but there is something bittersweet about a silent house. I love that no one is tugging at me asking me to play or for a snack. I mean the cat has obviously hunkered down for the night because she did not even greet me as I sit typing at the dining room table. The quiet is bliss and I am able to just be me.
So why am I writing about this anyway? The reason I have for writing is because I can. I am not being bothered by anyone and my thoughts are clear and you know what I cannot stop thinking about? I can't stop thinking about how much I want to talk to my family that is slumbering upstairs.
Seriously, what is wrong with me? I just typed an entire paragraph on how I enjoy the quiet and the ability to just be alone, and I am then completely doing a 180 and talking about how much I want to talk to the family. I don't know what it is, but I was only gone for three and a half hours and I missed my kids and Tyler so much. Maybe I need to get out more, but I even took the time to write notes to the kids and place them at their settings at the table. Have I become that crazy mom? Yes friends, I have, and I think that it is okay because I am starting to realize how blessed I truly am. Now that the fog of my sickness has begun to clear, I realize that without Tyler and the kids I used to be Lindsay. Now that I have everyone in my life I have become Audrey's mom, Ayden's mom, or Tyler's wife. I some days crave to be Lindsay without any responsibilities, but then again I realize what I have in front of me, and well even though the chaos can get loud and messy, I wouldn't trade it for the world!
And it is okay for you all to remind me of this post when I am pulling my hair out two days from now because I have lost sight of what I have to be blessed about. For now I will just be grateful:)
Monday, March 23, 2015
2 years and 7 months
On January 10, 2015, I lost my grandfather.
In two years and seven months I had lost all of my grandparents. I
was so angry and had such a heavy heart. The grief that I took on was
like a weight that was tied to my ankle and dragging me down to the bottom of
the ocean.
Now I know I am not the first person in the world
to lose someone, but when I lost my grandfather it was final. The end of
a chapter in my life was ending and I had absolutely no control over it.
Now I am the type of person who has control issues. I like to feel
that I have a handle on something, but something as large as life and death,
how could I ever feel I would be able to control that? Even when my
family placed the phone up to my grandfather's ear as I said my final good bye,
I still was telling him that this was not part of the plan and he needed to
just stay longer so I could have my one last visit that was only in one week.
Honestly that last visit wasn't going to make his leaving this Earth any
easier, but in the heat of the moment I thought that was what I needed.
What I needed? Why is it when in times of
crisis we become so hyper focus on what will make us better? Why is it
that I felt so betrayed by the person I prayed to not even an hour before
saying that if my grandfather had to pass away I would be okay with it as long
as he was no longer suffering, and then an hour later I was praying for him to
bring my grandfather back? When I think about this, I often wonder if God
thinks I am a little confusing or crazy at times. Who am I kidding, he
made me this way so he must have known what he was doing right?
I am not sure how I thought things would go after
my grandfather's funeral. I thought there would be closure, and to a
certain extent there was. I said my good byes and celebrated his life
with all the people who loved him dearly, but when I got home the hole in my
heart was still there and I was not dealing with the grief as I probably should
have. I was constantly busying myself with the chaos of life and I was
just shoving those feelings down further and further. Every time I talked
about a grandparent, I broke down, which I feel is normal because I was once
again sad that this chapter in my life was ending. That my children would
never experience their great grandparents as I experienced my grandparents,
however it wasn't until my grandparent's house was being cleaned out and
getting ready to go on the market, did I know I had a problem.
Now when I say problem, I am not sure that is the
best way to refer to it. I would have to say that this struggle was
something that reared its ugly head the moment my grandparent's home had
interested buyers. I began to feel my childhood memories were being sold.
Can you believe that was what I was thinking? Memories aren't made
of things, but are made by the experience, yet I was so afraid of losing that
one thing that allowed so many experiences to happen I thought I was going to
lose the house and the memories of my grandparents. It definitely sounds
a little crazy, but that was the place I was at. And somehow during all
this, I would lash out at my parents when they updated me on things, but I
would just keep living my life here with my kids as if nothing was wrong.
It wasn't until recently I realized that I needed
to stop making excuses for myself and allow myself to grieve because as we know
children learn from example and I was afraid my kids were going to have this
grieving experience as their example and it scared me. During all this I
truly had been reading a lot and I began looking at some of the messages I was
getting from the books I was reading and actually making it applicable to my
grieving. One book I was reading was One Thousand Gifts by
Ann Voskamp. With this book, I read a couple things that began sparking a
little understanding of attempting to deal with the grief.
From Ann Voskamp's book she discusses the hard
eucaristeo and how even these eucaristeos can be turned into a joy. Now
at first I was still asking myself, how in the world can I turn this closed
chapter in my life into a joy when I hurt so much? How could I turn this
pain ultimately into joy? Then I began thinking about how Jesus turned
the Last Supper into an eucharisteo. By taking the pain, thanking the
Lord for it, and then transforming it into a joy still seems like a challenge
as I am still in the trenches with my grief. However I have come to the
conclusion that my grandparents made me so happy. I have so many fond
memories of them and I decided that as I reflect upon them individually I can
become a better person if I attempt to do things that they all did in their
lives. It is almost as if I am going to take a few small things in each
of their lives and add them to my every day lifestyle. I have created my
list of things I want to do, however I still have not began to add them to my
every day life. I need to make that next step, but doing it then truly
means I am ready to move on, but am I really ready?
I have begun to see a glimmer in my future.
With all the sadness I have endured, I have taken time to reflect and see
all these great qualities of my grandparents in myself, family members, and
even some quirky ones in my children. It is great to get to a point where
I can see that brighter future. I still cry as I talk about the stories
and memories, and I am sure I will for awhile because only time heals the pain.
But at this point now I know that I am not alone. There will be
many more endings to chapters in my life, but I do know that if I attempt to cope
with these closings on my own, I will never make it. We are never alone,
and we will always have someone to help us up when we are down, all we have to
do is turn to Him.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)