Emotions

Ugh...the emotions are raw in the Evans house.

Now I thought it was just Audrey because she is probably the loudest in our house currently.  This may be shocking to some of you who know me because I think I have met my match with this one.  :)  She is loud and everything is a big deal.  We tell her to do something that she doesn't like, and well she verbalizes it and in her own four and a half year old way is telling us where to stick our words.  I know it is just a phase, but we are trying our hardest to have her learn the boundaries and what is acceptable.  It is draining, but it is our job.  And after I am beginning to feel better from my terrible cold and Tyler recovers from his food poisoning, I have realized she hasn't been the only emotional one in the house.

I am afraid to admit it, but I have been quite the hot mess.  It has a lot to do with lack of sleep and being sick, but boy as I reflect on what set me off the past couple days I have realized how emotional I am.

Now it may also be a little insecurity too.  I have never been an insecure person, but when it comes to being a mom I think I probably may be very insecure.  I feel I have people always judging and watching my every move on how I am going to handle the tantrum or the out of control toddler.  It comes with the territory and that is okay, but what I notice is that I become insecure in other areas too.  I read into emails and messages and begin to wonder what the underlying purpose is.  My mind always goes to, "Am I not enough?" or "Am I really allowing myself to be perceived as that bad of a person who is complaining?"  The thing is, maybe I am not enough or I am being perceived as a bad person, but you know what it doesn't really matter what others think.  Even though it hurts sometimes, it truly doesn't matter.  I only have one person that I need to turn to and have care about what is going on in my world.  However when the emotions are raging it is hard to remember that.

I think I will prescribe myself some reading, lots of cuddles with my babies, and sleep!