I am sure I will continue to have mommy guilt, but today's guilt is just wishing for my own time. Seriously, will I ever be able to take a bath quietly with a glass of wine or pee by myself? I am sure one day I will, but when you have two kids three and under I find myself wanting these simple novelties more than ever!
For example, I woke up at 5 yesterday morning to walk on the treadmill and watch a show. Doesn't really seem like a great mommy alone time, but I crave any alone time I can get. My Mr. Man decided it would be a great day to wake up at 5 as well and instantly I found myself sulking and pouting to my husband. I literally was whining as I put in my contacts that I never get to do anything I want to. Boy did I sound like Audrey and I had already set myself up for a bad day. I found myself even being a little resentful to Ayden as he whined about something and I told him to suck it up because he was the one that decided to wake up early. Now eventually Audrey woke up and we all got excited to go out to the fun little Mud Pies activities, but I still found that I had a grumpy attitude. I was still fixated that I did not get my workout and I was doing yet another thing for everyone else but myself. I even found myself annoyed by some of the crazy stuff they were doing at Mud Pies, but then I had to refocus that they were just being kids and good kids for that matter. Seriously how selfish do I sound right now!!
Here is another fun story that I am sure many can relate too. I never knew the luxury of going to the bathroom with the door closed, but that is something I crave nowadays. I now have to pee with the door open for multiple reasons. One being that I am afraid Ayden will get into trouble, and also because the kids and cat will pound on the door and stick their hands/paws under the door. So picture this, I am going to the bathroom and the kids decide to come in with me. They see the cat is chasing them and the slam the door. The cat then proceeds to put her paws under the door and is getting their feet and the squealing begin. They are asking me to help save them and crawl on my lap...really kids...can't you see I am just trying to pee? Or yesterday when Ayden slammed the door while I was in the bathroom and he decided to grab his stuffed animals and put them and himself on top of the table. I guess if Elmo and Grover climb on top of the table with him at least he will have someone else to join him in time out.
Regardless of the situations that seem to send us over the edge, I have learned something here. Having mommy time is okay and it is necessary for my sanity. Now I know the importance of my husband and I having a date night or two, but we will have to put that on the back burner for awhile, or until I find a reliable sitter and Ayden is no longer attached to my hip. However, I know that having mommy time is necessary at this stage in my life. So I need to throw away the guilty feeling when I need to go to a preschool board meeting or something as fun as Bunco because it is okay and necessary for this momma's sanity. So yes, I may feel guilt as I walk out the door to do something for myself and the kids are crying, but I know that they will be fine without me and sometimes we need a few hours away from each other.
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