Good Bye 2013

So here it is...the cold hard truth about what the past year has been for me.  I am not going to lie, it was hard and I was not sure I, or my family, was going to make it at one point in time.  I mean what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?  Well that saying does not sit well with one when they are going through the drama of life.

Lets begin with January 2013...I lost my grandma, my mom's dad, and it just seriously took me down.  I just had begun the new semester for my students, and I had started up one of my final courses for completing my Masters.  I remember the day so vividly when I got the call from my brother to tell me Grandma wasn't doing well and I needed to prepare for the worse.  The entire family was at the grocery store and I was fighting back tears, but knew this call was coming.  I didn't know at that point to be angry or sad.  I mean why did my brother have to call and tell me...why not my Dad?  I finished up grocery shopping, loaded the kids into the car, and dialed my Dad to chew him out for not calling me.  I know...daughter of the year award...right?!  He told me he was going to see how she was as he was talking to me, and would call me back.  Well the ten minute drive home from Safeway and the phone rang as we pulled into the driveway.  Grandma had passed as she had all her family around her, except me (and my brother but there is more to that story that holds a lot of hurt for him).  I cried, but the planner in me knew I had to go to her funeral and I had a ton of things to prep before I left.  I was not going to miss this funeral, as I had missed my Grandfather's funeral the previous June because I literally  just had Ayden and everyone told me to stay home.  Seriously...that was one of my few regrets I have in life, and if I could change it I would but I learned from this mistake that I would do everything in my power to make it to funerals for my loved ones!

We all survived the death of Grandma as we all knew we would, however it made me realize how hard it was to live far away from family.

February was a blur as I feel I was simply in survival mode and I was awaiting those orders of Tyler's like no other.  I wanted to know where we would be living the next three years, and of course the Air Force was taking its sweet time deciding.

I do believe it was in March that Tyler received his orders to Omaha, Nebraska.  I think initially I was shocked, but relieved we weren't going to Minot, ND.  No offense to North Dakota, but I had lived my seven years in Alaska and I wasn't ready for winters like that again.  I know, I have become a softy. My prepping of our new life began.  I had to make sure we had a place to live, a preschool for Audrey, a daycare for Ayden, and a new job for me.  Yet with orders, Tyler still did not have a report date and it wasn't until April we found that out.

April and May were tough months.  I knew there was a lot of weekends I locked myself in my room and simply typed papers and rewrote and recorded curriculum for my students (the server that held all this information literally blew up...great luck huh).  My kids and husband I think missed me, but I had to get this all done at any expense:(

May 24th, we celebrated Ayden's first birthday and it was hard to believe a year had already passed with him in our lives.  Devouring cake and getting into everything were Ayden's two accomplishments for his birthday.

It was June that our world became chaotic.  We took a trip to Nebraska to see the area we would be moving to.  It was nice and lots for kids to do, but I was still overwhelmed about moving to a new place and leaving my friends behind!  We got a tour of our rental and seriously Tyler got our family every membership possible!  I was literally still typing papers in the car as the kids napped as we traveled to and from Colorado for the trip.  By the middle of June the Masters was complete!  Hallelujah and Praise the Lord...that was the hardest thing to do when you have two children under the age of three!  I am so glad I was still nursing towards the end of the degree, as I think drinking heavily may have occurred.

Now for the fun...third week in June...the packers came and packed up our life and hauled it away!  We literally loaded up the cat, kids, and the two cars and began our journey to Nebraska.  Tyler had to do a lot of in-processing, so he did this while the kids and I went to the Children's Museum and the Zoo.  We could not move into our home until July, so we were still in a hotel, with a cat and we still had a road trip ahead of us.  Yes friends we had a graduation party to get to by June 29th in Michigan.  So after spending three days in Nebraska we were off to Michigan.  Boy did we see a lot of corn and fields.

We arrived in Michigan on June 28th and the kids and I had planned to be their until the third week of July.  Tyler would have to go back earlier to actually work and get our stuff to be put into the house.  We had purchased a repo cottage that was in the same neighborhood as my parents, so this became a project for Tyler and I during nap times to work on.  The previous owner had smoked and the house was in bad shape.  We spent hours washing walls, taking off layers of smoke that had taken years to accumulate.  Every time I went into this house I began to just stress to my max.  By the time our time in Michigan was up, the walls had been washed over three times and it still needed more work.  Thank goodness for my father's OCD and need to do projects, as he ripped up flooring, cupboards, cabinets, and anything else that needed to be taken out.

My mom helped with the road trip back to Nebraska.  We all survived in one piece and the unpacking of 500 boxes began.  At this point I know we did great unpacking with the help of my mom, but the disappointment sat in when we had quite a few items missing and broken.  I guess that is the downside of not moving our stuff ourselves, but still I was allowed to be disappointed even though Tyler had prepared me for this possibility.

After we celebrated Audrey's third birthday and sent my mom back to Michigan, the reality set in.  I was in a new place and I hated the unfamiliarity.  I took the kids to the fun places around Omaha.  It was at this point in August I realized that Audrey would be starting preschool in September and I still did not have a job.  I was ready to take the role of a stay at home mom, but I never knew what that entailed.  I did stay home with my kids a lot because I worked as an online teacher the past three years, but this was full on staying at home!

Getting situated with new doctors for the kids, it was noted that their were some developmental concerns for Audrey.  I mean really...how was I going to handle this?  With tons of blood work, Audrey was cleared of some major health concerns and they realized that hey her growth may be different than the rest of the norm.  Imagine that when you have a grandfather that is 5 foot and aunts that are 4'10' and 4'11 1/2"!  We did get physical therapy for her and we are finishing up the last appointment for a developmental evaluation in the next week, but basically I have come to terms that I may not have a basketball player in Audrey, however she will probably talk circles around a lot of her peers.

Ahh....September, I sent Audrey off to preschool, and I think her brother cried harder than I did as I dropped her off.  However he realized preschool was a good thing because then he got more mommy and Ayden time.  Things were going smoothly and I thought life was on track.  You know the moment you feel this way you know something is going to happen, so why was I surprised when Tyler dropped the bomb on me one September evening after we put the kids to bed.  He announced that he was being forced to retire.  My thoughts were this...thank you Air Force for moving my family to have my husband be forced to retire!  I was upset, no wait, I was furious!  For those of you who know me well, you know I am a planner and this was not in my plan.  I knew retirement was soon for Tyler, but I thought we could at least cross that bridge once I got the kids into elementary school.  Then the conversations of what Tyler wants to be when he grows up is more stressful than ever because I don't think he planned.  See my husband is a go with the flow kind of guy.  He approaches things as they come up...which kills me!  However I do know that things will work out, but the planner in me is screaming daily to know what is next!

It wasn't until I was introduced to a MOPS group and I joined the board of Audrey's preschool that I finally felt I had an outside purpose, other than being a stay at home mom.  It was hard to wake up every morning and never have an escape.  Maybe this sounds bad as a mom, but I needed more than talking to toddlers all day long.

So the rest of the year went smoothly.  We established Ayden's treatments at the Children's Hospital, and got a routine down. Audrey was loving school, both kids enjoyed the monthly childcare provided at MOPS, and they loved that weekends were totally dedicated to family time, something that did not happen when we lived in Colorado.

Halloween was an interesting holiday, as Tyler was on nights for the yearly base exercise.  Hauling a Cinderella and Gus Gus the Mouse in and out of a wagon was quite the challenge on my own, but the kids had so much fun and that was all that mattered.

Thanksgiving we had visitors and it was nice to have family for the holidays.  Angela, Samuel and my mom came out for almost a week and enjoyed the time spent together.

Christmas was enjoyed for the first time just as our little family here in Nebraska.  It was very nice to start our own traditions and not have to travel!  However we did miss our families and spending time with them, as well as starting chaos together.

I find it interesting that I have the desire to share my world, but I am sure I am not the only person out there that needs to get their stories out.  So here I go with this first blog about 2013.  I am still struggling as a stay at home mom, as I fill that there is something missing.  Could it be that I feel inadequate as a stay at home mom?  Is it that I don't think I'm good enough to fit the job description?  Or could it be that I want to better myself and I seek advice from others?  I think overall it could be all of the above.  I want to share, get advice, and I also think I need to have one constant in my daily lifestyle.  Working out seems to be a constant that I have, but maybe writing a blog will aid in me fulfilling this constant I desire as well.

I know this was a long one and I apologize, but I had to get it all out!